INSIDE TRACK: Importance of staying connected

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Staying connected to each other is a difficult thing and requires couples to employ special skills and tools.

Staying connected to each other is a difficult thing and requires couples to employ special skills and tools.

Sometimes all it requires is that you come up with your own “thing”. This could be a simple daily message to each other, a phone call or an end-of-the-day catch up session.

Some people share a coffee or cup of tea at the end of each day and talk a bit about their day; some share a pink gin, a scotch, a cigarette or fruit cocktail and gently tell each other about the good and bad things that may have happened to them throughout the day.

Try to establish what your “thing” is and create a mood to go with it. A drink you both enjoy, shared right at the end of the night is a very good way of ending the night, wrapping up the day, inviting a peaceful night’s rest and prepping yourselves for the next day’s challenges.

I know most couples have to deal with getting dinner prepared, helping the children with homework, bathing the children and putting them to sleep, doing the dishes and general tidying up and then hopefully catching the late night news.

If you share chores, it means you do everything at a much faster pace and you can afford a relaxing aromatic bath.

Everyone has a favourite spot in the home and if you both happen to like a particular spot in the house then grab that drink, dim the lights, sip your drink, talk to each other quietly and let your words caress each other into a softer mood.

Your catch up session should not just be about pain and suffering but about relaxing things too and also about encouraging and feeding each other’s ambitions.

When there is a full moon, grab some cushions and go and sit in the garden, it is refreshing, heightens your senses and gives you a fresh perspective on life.

Set ground rules at the onset of your marriage

If you are good at multi-tasking at work, you should be adept at using those very same skills at home. Many women complain of being swamped and not having time even for themselves.

The trick sometimes lies in the foundations you established right at the beginning of your marriage. If you went into it as a partnership, then you should have a spouse who helps around the home.

Some women kill off the partnership element because they start assigning roles. I have seen men who used to cook for their lovers, barred from the kitchen after they marry those same lovers.

Once you turn your man into a perpetual receiver and not a giver then you have yourself to blame when he stops helping with the dishes, breakfast or the children’s homework. Let your man know that you are not superwoman.

Your man must know from the get go that you will expect help around the home.

It must be agreed between the two of you that you will need time together and also time apart to pursue personal growth interests. If you are in sync with each other, time spent apart should not be seen as a threat to togetherness.

Couples that are a perfect fit are those that are comfortable doing things together but can also do other things separately.

Your man needs at least one night a week with his friends. You also need time with your own friends, even if you are not going to hit the bars, you do still need some girl time. Down time with your friends or alone is important.

There is nothing wrong with kicking-back at home and sipping a gentle glass of wine alone — just do not go through several bottles alone because that might mean an eventual trip to Alcoholics Anonymous at some point.

Have friends that you can invite over for a night of good food and wine, fun and games, a quiz or poker night or a simple late afternoon tea and cake session.

Get some “me” time, but also work towards finding out what your “thing” is and exploit it to develop a stronger bond with your loved one. Good relationships are a mutual interest and a work in progress.

Finding that one thing to end your evening might be the glue that you need right now.

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