If a girl starts having sex at the age of 12, what does she do by the time she turns 19? Does she start preparing to have grandchildren and wonder if she is headed for menopause?
Inside Track with Grace Mutandwa
Do mothers of 12-year-olds who are sexually active know that their children are already “bumping nasties” with in most cases adult males? If the mothers know, what are they doing about it? And, if they are unaware are they fit to be mothers?
A recent story about sexually active 12-year-olds scared me. It also made me very grateful that I have no 12-year-old running around panty-less somewhere. It got me thinking a lot about parenting skills and the challenges of raising children today.
Some parents have a very relaxed take on raising children. Sometimes, it is almost as if the children are the parents and the parents are the children. It is a misplaced modern notion of raising children.
I was recently left speechless when I looked out of the dining room window and saw my maid’s seven-year-old doing a dance that one would expect to see in some seedy strip joint. The tiny girl was oblivious of anything or anyone. Her mother was standing right there on the lawn next to her and never uttered a word. I was speechless and also quite embarrassed and grateful that there was no man around. It was so sexually explicit I wondered where she had learnt it.
I am an opinionated woman, and it took quite a lot for me not to say anything. When I was growing up any woman could tell a child off and would not be accused of interfering but today most mothers do not want other women telling their children what is wrong or right.
That girl is only seven but next year will be a different ball game. Young girls are getting their periods earlier and sprouting breasts by the time they are eight or nine. Hormonal changes are taking place much earlier than they used to. A change in lifestyle and the processed foods we are feeding our children are partly the reason why girls as young as eight can start menstruating.
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The fact that so many young girls are becoming sexually active at such an early age means the gains we had made in eradicating new HIV infections are going to be eroded. The cases of younger women with cervical cancer are also likely to increase.
I have spoken to some 12/13-year-olds who told me that there was no harm in having sex because all their friends were doing it! Most of them believed that just doing it once would not cause them to fall pregnant, and in some cases doing it once with different guys was also considered safe!
Tragically, they did not believe in protection because the older boys they do it with tell them that if you “use condoms you are not really doing it and besides you don’t use condoms if you love the guy.” I was astounded. One girl said if you have only ever done it with condoms then you are considered a virgin.
Children deserve parental guidance
Twelve-year-olds are not having sex with boys their age. They are sampling 20 to 30-year-olds and sometimes even much older men. The young teenage boys are either immersed in video games or the few who are sexually active are getting their sexual instruction from some of the maids who are supposed to take care of them.
For a country that boasts of more than 92% literacy I was shocked to hear adult men say that it was safer to sleep with adolescents because there was no fear of unwanted pregnancies! They exhibited a shocking lack of knowledge of biology. A 12-year-old who is already menstruating is capable of falling pregnant. They also showed a scary lack of knowledge of the law — sleeping with any girl under 16 is statutory rape.
Some of the men also said that adolescent girls were free of diseases. Really? Who spun you that yarn? With the way the young girls are throwing off their panties, they probably carry every conceivable sexual disease under the sun.
You take the case of the sexually active adolescents and teenagers and add it to the little lot of female university students selling their bodies so they can pay for tuition and accommodation and you have a major disaster brewing. We are losing a whole generation of female children to the throes of a new “sexual revolution.”
It should worry you no end if you have an adolescent or teenage daughter who roams like a wild animal. Mothers used to keep children in check, not smile at their wayward ways. Be as indulgent as you want and buy your children expensive toys or iPads but never practice the same indulgence with your child’s body.
Some of the mothers of the girls I spoke to belong to church mothers’ unions. They spout Christian values but it seems this is only for the benefit of the other women in church. No sane woman wants her daughter to be promiscuous but you do have to teach your daughter to respect her own body.
I have heard some women whinge about how difficult their children are. The reality is that you are the adult and your children must know and accept that.
The struggle for improved women’s reproductive health will come to nought if we continue to watch our daughters treat sex as the latest toy on the market. Teach your children about the positive aspects of sex and give them guidelines of when the right circumstances and time to start having sex is. Even more vital is to talk to your children about the dangers of early sexual activity and pitfalls of unprotected sex. Very soon we will start seeing deaths of young people dying from HIV/Aids related disease spike again.
It is your responsibility to teach your children good family values. Get involved in your children’s lives. Know what they get up to and whom they spend their time with. A 12-year-old child must never have a private life. Be a mother to your daughter and guide her.
Grace Mutandwa is a communications specialist, media trainer, and published author. She can be reached at: [email protected]/Twitter:GraceMutandwa1/Skype:Wisteria42
