IT hurts, we know, when someone says: "I told you, didn't I". Which is exactly why we can't resist gleefully rubbing it in.
We told yo
u so, Chinos. And we also warned the "unbalanced" Professor, Johno, who put all his eggs in the Tsholotsho basket.
On a couple of occasions last year, this writer unleashed his recently discovered powers of prophecy, boldly predicting that some politicians, shamefully masquerading as Good Samaritans by donating cash and products in the hope for votes, as typified by our two big losers, would rue the gambling.
Cheered on by relentless coverage from the grovelling State broadcaster, the Tsholotsho aspirant went on a computer and cash donating orgy in the Tsholotsho constituency, and was even caught by Dead BC cameras exhibiting his limited dancing skills at several rallies.
As recently as December, we wondered out loud in print why Chinos, soundly thrashed in the Highfield constituency despite doling out scarce commodities at his rallies, thought he stood a chance in the Glen Norah constituency. He suddenly became a donor, dishing out hundreds of pairs of cheap Zhing-zhong shoes, cash for "projects", transport and plenty of opaque beer. Dead BC even covered Chinos' ego-inflating social soccer tournament, which pitted boozer sides trying to play football.
Now, as in Highfield, the Zupco buses have already largely disappeared since Chinos' candidature was turned down by his own party.
But long after those plastic shoes are worn out, the people of Glen Norah will remember Chinos for one thing: a public toilet. He managed to assemble a team of youths and got them to reopen a closed municipal toilet at a shopping centre, for which they now charge patrons $500 for use.
How is that for an income- generating project?
Still on Chinos, the failed politician was on TV last week, addressing - well, sort of - a gathering of council workers. Why Chinos insists on trying to deliver speeches in English when it is clear that he CAN'T speak the language remains a mystery. Maybe it's because he feels English goes down well with those expensive Western suits he often spots these days.
After accusing workers aligned to the ZCTU of trying to hand over the country back to auntie Blair, skittish Chinos decided to condemn the Queen's language to grievous bodily harm.
"It can't not mean anything," he retorted. "Endai munonegoshieta mari idzodzo under those hard conditions whatever," he went on.
If you're an audience member, the best part of attending a Chinos address must be the post mortem, once you're out of earshot. "What on earth was he trying to say?" is probably the routine question. "I haven't got a clue," would be the standard answer.
We suggest Chinos either sticks to the mother tongue which, unfortunately, he is not too articulate in either. Or he can hire an interpreter, like pastors of some of these new Pentecostal churches.
Just when we thought NTV stands for "No TV", the station appears finally ready to finish "coming soon", and start the serious business of broadcasting. Instead of merely announcing "NTV, coming soon" for the past seven months, we have footage of some of the star attractions.
There is the clip of some puppets, and a play in the over-subscribed Kapfupi-street-theatre genre. And more music clips.
In short there appears nothing new here, just the sort of diet we are overfed on on the sole TV channel. We hope NTV proves us wrong.
Terrence Mapurisana has a few notes for Mberi following sentiments he expressed in last week's column.
"Whilst I appreciate your comments and views, in last week's column of What's On Air relating to my reggae programme, I would like to bring it to your attention that the programme is meant to be a talk show although we try to spice it up with some reggae ridimms. In fact if you remember very well, SFM is a talk news station and as such our reggae programme should be 'more talk and less music(!)
"The first and foremost purpose of the programme is to inform the listeners about the goings on in reggae showbiz. I however must thank you for tuning in and keep tuning in as more vibes will be coming your way."
I gather from Mberi that what he finds irritating is that the "reggae ridimms" are cut after only a minute or so, to make way for more and more talk. I agree; in any case, why talk about music when you can play it?
On the issue of talk shows, there is far too much of this "discussing" business on most stations on the most boring and worn out of topics. Even more boring that Mai Chisamba's "Ko iko kunyima kuita sei? Unenge uchimbonyimwa chinhu chaaniko? Or sillier than her "Zvakanaka here kuda mubereki kupfuura mumwe?
There's however less talk and more music on Power FM, but brace yourself for urban grooves tracks, spun ad nauseam despite the fact that some of them unrecorded. Reminds me of one musician recently featured on the TV programme, Youth.Com and popular for a generously played song which kicks off with him imitating a Nigerian accent. Asked why he had not yet recorded an album containing the song, he replied (with the customary urban grooves hand gestures): "Well the song was meant to testthe reaction of the market, and I will eventually record it."
Oh pur-leeease!
Newsnet's creative veteran, Judie Makwanya gave us an interesting spin on Newshour regarding why Britain was deporting Zimbabweans who had failed to secure asylum in that country. She said analysts - unnamed because they don't exist - viewed the British move as an attempt by the Blair government to enhance the MDC's chances of winning the March parliamentary polls!
With that sort of fertile and witty imagination, Judie is wasting phenomenal talent at Dead BC. How about taking up fiction writing, Judith.
Better still, here is an assignment for her. She can do a survey to find out how many rural voters understand the Zanu PF election motto: "This is an anti-Blair election." We often hear politicians declare so in front of rural folk, most of whose blank faces suggest they have not a shred of an idea what is being talked about.
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