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A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. He gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to come up with the rest. Here is what the kids came up with:
n People in glass houses shouldn’t . . . run around naked.
n Strike while the . . . bug is close.
n It’s always darkest before . . . daylight savings time.
n You can lead a horse to water but . . . how?
n Don’t bite the hand that . . . looks dirty.
n You can’t teach an old dog . . . maths.
n Love all, trust . . . me.
n The pen is mightier than . . . the pigs.
n An idle mind is . . . the best way to relax.
n Where there is smoke, there is . . . pollution.
n Happy is the bride who . . . gets all the presents.
n A penny saved is . . . not much.
n Two is company, three is . . . The Musketeers.
n None are so blind as . . . Helen Keller.
n Children should be seen and not . . . spanked or grounded.
n If at first you don’t succeed . . . get new
batteries.
n You get out of something what you . . . see pictured on the box.
n When the blind lead the blind . . . get out of the way.
n There is no fool like . . . Aunt Edie.
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An English professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”
The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”
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A local pastor allows prayer requests at the beginning of each service.
Once, someone had an upcoming biopsy and asked for a prayer to be said.
Unfortunately, when the priest made the prayer, he asked everyone to pray for the person’s autopsy.
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Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?”
“I think so,” the man replied.
“My wife has made appetisers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests.”
“I don’t mean that,” the priest responded.
“I mean, are you prepared spiritually?”
“Oh, sure,” came the reply.
“I’ve got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey.”
Why Are Americans Jobless
John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 a.m.While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN PHILIPPINES) .
He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE INVIETNAM). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA), then he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today.After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA), he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) filled it with GAS (from Saudi Arabia) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his computer (MADE IN MALAYSIA), John decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN ZIMBABWE) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN SOUTH AFRICA) and turned on his TV (MADE IN KOREA), and then wondered why he can’t find a good paying job in AMERICA.AND NOW HE’S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM HIS PRESIDENT (MADE IN KENYA
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