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PHEW — Now that the Sepp Blatter circus has left town, we can all heave a huge sigh of relief and try and get our lives back to normal again.
As we try to figure out what all the crazy excitement was about, the sobering reality is that despite one month of the so-called beautiful game, the circumstances of the vast majority of us Africans as the wretched of the earth have not changed an iota. Soccer is like eating candy floss — after the sweet sensation is gone, there is nothing left — no satiation of hunger, no health benefits — absolutely nothing.
But to be fair, the beneficiaries of the just-ended soccer fiesta in South Africa could only be the players themselves who, if all the hype is anything to go by, will be paid millions of US dollars in player bonuses for their effort. I know, I know — sport is supposed to be good for keeping body and soul together, so they say but those acrobatic stunts soccer players like to indulge in on the field could easily leave them permanently maimed. There are certainly better and safer ways to keep fit — any gym instructor will gladly oblige.
I also know writing this article at this particular juncture when the entire world is recovering from the highly infectious World Cup fever could cause some people to question my sanity. Others may conclude that perhaps I have a death wish. But no, let me assure you dear reader, my mental faculties remain in the right place. Mine is a perfectly rational, and I dare say necessary, inquisition of a disturbing phenomenon — the fickleness of human nature that causes us to be so thoroughly captivated by the ball game called football or soccer.
Consider this for one moment: What other creature on earth would risk life and limb chasing around the field an inflated leather casing with murderous determination only to deposit it in the back of a net behind two posts except the human species. Imagine if cows, goats, cats and dogs could speak — they would wonder loudly how strange and ridiculous it is that human beings can spend so much time and emotion, to say nothing of the huge financial resources in this totally illogical pursuit.
“I don’t mind my master tossing a rubber ball some distance for me to fetch, because its good exercise for me and teaches me to understand human commands, “a dog might say to the cat who in turn scoffs dismissively at human behaviour pointing to his own well-known indifference to peoples’ commands. “I only hang around human beings because they feed me and their homes are usually a bountiful source of protein-rich rats which are a great culinary treat for us felines,” the cat says.
Equally unimpressed by man’s incredible obsession with soccer, the cow will add that she has always been surprised by man’s fascination with things round. There is golf, cricket, basket ball, ping-pong, snooker — all games involving round balls and humans will spend hours on end knocking about these objects to the satisfaction of some nebulous craving.
Take golf for instance — what sense is there for a full grown adult to hit this little white ball into the bushes over yonder and then hunt for it like a man possessed. Then create a great fuss trying to ensure the little white ball drops into a little round hole in the ground. And who says ours can ever be a just world when people like Tiger Woods, Nick Price, Mark Cayeux and the rest of them who have made a life career of hitting little white balls into little round holes become virtual millionaires while hard-working people who toil in the fields day and night have absolutely nothing to show for it.
But of all these ball games, soccer has to be the most enigmatic of all the so called sporting disciplines. Disciplines — my foot! How can perfectly sane grown men with wives and children at home, dress up in those colourful togs and then spend 90 whole minutes chasing around, which they euphemistically call dribbling, a round leather casing called football? They engage in furious physical combat, in which life and limb are at great risk, as those in opposing ranks unleash their own soldiers in the fierce battle to ensure that the ball is not deposited on their side of the net.
And then there is the emotions. Grown men shedding tears because their efforts to deposit the ball at the back of the net was thwarted by other equally crazed ball chasers. I was flabbergasted that the Argentina national team seemed totally devastated when they lost to Germany — a score of 4-0 which some people seemed to think was a disgrace for the south Americans.
To the eternal amusement of the howling mobs of the so called soccer fans, great acrobatic feats are performed as the “players” try to outdo one another in the contest to see who has perfected the greatest dexterity in maneuvering around the ball. Nothing magical about this — the reaction of a round soft leather casing filled with air to spontaneous contact with any other object is totally unpredictable. The so called professional soccer players, The Wayne Rooneys, Diego Maradonas, the Didier Drogbas, the Benjani Mwaruwaris, the Peter Ndlovus have achieved great fame and fortune on account of their prowess in directing the round leather casing into the net of their opponents. Some of these players earn more money than doctors who save lives or pilots who fly airplanes. Is this logical, I ask you dear reader.
Blatter, the FIFA (Federation of International Football) chief is probably one of the richest and most influential individuals on earth on account of his organising this trivial undertaking on a global scale. Hosting the World Cup is a hugely coveted undertaking that every nation worth its salt around the world aspires to. But what exactly are the benefits of having millions of these so called soccer fans emitting a deafening din as they blow into the irritatingly tuneless vuvuzelas and causing congestion and traffic jams as they cram stadiums to bear witness to this insanity.
In what I can only conclude was a moment of madness, the government of Zimbabwe waylaid the Brazilian national team, on its way to the World Cup in South Africa, to fleece gullible Zimbabweans of their hard earned cash. Imagine, the cheapest ticket at the National Sports Stadium going for a whopping US$10 just to watch the Brazilians showing their Zimbabwean counterparts how much they have mastered the art of maneuvering the round leather casing around the field. In my humble view, this money could have been better spent ensuring better service-delivery by Zesa or paying civil servants reasonable salaries. Anyone who witnessed the chaotic traffic situation in Harare on the day of the match will have cursed the person who invented soccer to boot. And to think that some people even considered it an honour and privilege for Zimbabwe that the Brazilians came here defies logic.
Then there is the great media hype about FIFA World Cup being hosted “on African soil” as if backward Africa had scored some momentous achievement. FIFA World Cup hosts, South Africa may now momentarily be enjoying international limelight and may have even become the envy of their neighbours, who were salivating at the prospect of a flood of soccer fans splashing tourism dollars their way. But beyond that, what exactly is the benefit for Africa in general, and South Africa in particular beyond a couple costly white elephants in the form of redundant stadia
I am glad some of the brothers and sisters in South Africa’s labour movement seized the opportunity to extract a few real benefits from the soccer extravaganza. They threatened to embarrass their government by engaging in strike action that could cripple essential services while the tournament was in progress. Some people might say this was unpatriotic, but what is patriotic about a government spending millions of dollars building soccer stadia to indulge the fancies of the rich and spoilt while the real needs of the people go unattended?
Granted — money is the big issue here. FIFA is reportedly the world’s richest sporting organisation and soccer is now probably the most lucrative business on earth. Yet one must wonder where our priorities lie as human beings. Would it not make more sense to invest the vast amounts spent on promoting football to train the able-bodied young men that now engage in this trivial pursuit in more meaningful vocations like say agriculture, engineering, medicine etc.
I am totally gobsmacked that soccer players are revered as heroes in their respective countries where they command popularity even better than politicians and other entertainers like musicians and film actors. Granted, entertainment is vital for the wellbeing of the human soul, but why elevate soccer, whose enjoyment is often tainted by unruly behaviour and hooliganism, to this godly pinnacle as if merely being physically fit and capable of dancing around opponents with the ball is the stuff of geniuses. As humans, we need to get real!
BY DESMOND KUMBUKA
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