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Grace Mutandwa
I hope you all had a peaceful and merry Christmas and that you managed to spend quality time with your families.
Christmas brings out a warm feeling in some people while it drives out the dragon in others.
Two of my colleagues on this paper would have loved to have a really care-free holiday but they had a bail hearing hanging over their heads.
It is hard to have fun and relax when you know there are some people out there just waiting to lay their grubby hands on you. It sort of takes the cheer out of Christmas.
My partner and I also had a very muted celebration. We got a state-funded call that changed things for us. The idea was to make us miserable and the callers managed to a certain extent.
We are now used to having rude interruptions in our lives but it does not make it easy to deal with.
The large number of people who perished on our roads also darkened this Christmas.
Even when you do not personally know the people affected, it is always sad to read about gory road accidents.
While others were celebrating, two couples I know were in the process of splitting up. These are young people with young children. Both couples have been together for more than 13 years. The two divorces are acrimonious.
How do you make the most special holiday for our children exciting and worthy when you are busy fighting?
It is simply impossible to pretend that all is well just for those few days when deep down you know you cannot stand the sight of the person you once loved.
Everywhere I look today I find miserable young couples that cannot wait to get out of their matrimonial unions.
Have we become a nation of impatient people? Why does it seem so easy for young people to give up on what they have built? So many of them seem to think it is easier to walk away and start all over again.
Another young person is also on the verge of terminating her marriage. She spent most of Christmas crying because she claims she still loves the man. She wants out because she feels like a stranger in her marriage.
She says her husband has become indifferent and has also developed new interests that include going out drinking with the boys every weekend. They do not talk anymore — I mean, really talk.
She feels like a single parent. She attends the children’s sports days, consultation days and does things with them on her own.
Life is not easy and it is even harder when you share that life with a significant other. Not many people know what they want out of life and those who do, sometimes do not have the courage to express it. And at times those who know what direction they want their lives to take, only make it known to their partners when the relationship is murky and mouldy — not always the best time to make someone understand how you really feel.
I cannot shake the feeling that so many people now get on the wrong bus and try to jump off when they are stuck in the wilderness.
Just this Christmas I know more than 10 young couples that had stunning weddings. They were all over the moon and their parents were ecstatic.
Do young people still get the “big marriage talk”?
What do pastors and priests do to help these young people realise that marriage is not a game of pool that you can give up when you get bored?
True love grows into friendship, warmth towards each other and true understanding and appreciation of the other person’s flaws. I have friends that have been married for decades and they still look at each other with warmth and interest.
Things like this do not just happen — it takes a lot of nurturing and investing time and emotions.
You do not get to be happy by just wishing upon a lucky star. Both of you need to constantly contribute to the emotion and friendship jar.
The good things in life come through hard work.
Marriage takes work too and it is extra-hard when you also have to raise children.
When things go wrong do not wait until you are overwhelmed or almost drowning before you discuss it. Throwing ashtrays at each other is not recommended alternative communication.
When you get things right from the start, it makes it easier to deal with the tough blows life might deal you.
There are couples that are unbreakable because they knew from day one why they were getting together and handle both the small and big stuff in a mature manner and do not trash each other’s feelings.
In the coming year, if you have children, siblings or young friends thinking of tying the knot, do your bit for world family happiness.
Take time to walk them through the good and the bad in marriage.
Matrimony, like Christmas, is holy and should be treated with respect. No child should have to go through Christmas crying because mum and dad are splitting up.
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