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Prioritise HIV-testing before marriage

Nothing wrong about that in my view but that is just me. The young woman thinks the father-in-law is interfering. I think not. Under normal circumstances the young couple should be in the forefront of seeking counselling and testing.


It should come from them first. Maybe dad has stepped in because he is either aware of his son’s past or is not sure of the young woman’s past. He could also be doing it just because he feels the two need guidance and support.

I see nothing wrong with a parent ensuring that two people who love each other start off their married life fully knowing their status. HIV and Aids is usually the unspoken elephant in the room. Someone has to raise the issue first or it will go unmentioned but this does not mean it will disappear. One day you might be forced to talk about it and actually do something about it, but by then it might be too late.

This young woman has confided in people and one of the people she told is worried that this might have put the young woman off, her guy. The young woman in question does not want to go for testing. She will not hear of it. Either she is simply scared or she already knows what the “oracle” will say. If she is a virgin and has never had a blood transfusion then she need not worry.

But of course in this day and age when you have 12-year-olds who cannot remember when they lost their virginity, this is not surprising. Most young women have been defiled by the time they turn 13. The few virgins who have come to me for advice are above 30 and refuse to have any relationships with men who will not get tested. I applaud them and hope one day they will meet sensible young men who put health first.

Anyone who advises young people to get tested before getting intimate or married should be commended. People have pasts — some clean, some quite messy. HIV and Aids counselling and testing is an important part of getting to know your partner better. Based on the outcome of results it helps you decide if you can entrust your chosen partner with your present and future.

It is all very well and good to fall madly in love, but completely losing your senses is just daft. A man hell bent on getting a woman will vow that he looks at no other woman! Is he blind? And, are you insane to believe such nonsense?

Men will continue trying their luck with other women until they die. Some men would like to keep sowing their wild oats well into their 90s unless the law of gravity finally catches up with them. You have to be one of those young women who do not take trust too far. Love yourself enough to demand that a man who loves you should be willing to take the test with you.


It is good to build a relationship based on trust. But you must remember that a certain level of suspicion is sometimes healthy. It might save you from tears tomorrow.

You do not want to end up like a young woman I spoke to last week. She has been married for three years but is now worried that if she remains in the union she will get HIV and Aids.

They never got tested at the beginning of their relationship and she does not know if she is still “safe”. She met her husband four years ago when he used to visit relatives in Kadoma where she lived. They dated for a year. They only saw each other during the weekends when and if he visited. After a year she fell pregnant and five months later she managed to force the guy to accept responsibility.

One child later and three years of marital turbulence she has finally had enough but is too scared to go it alone. Her husband has had several other women during the three years of marriage and is in the process of moving in with another woman.


He has not paid rent for the wife and child for four months and they are on the verge of being thrown out of the two rooms they rent. He has stopped buying food and only spends two nights a week with the wife and these are not conjugal visits but emotional boxing nights.

Sister, the writing is on the wall! The brother is saying; “We had a good time but our relationship has run its course. I’m not that into you anymore.”
The man does not hide anything anymore.


Only a few weeks ago, the wife came across some used condoms in the husband’s office car. Yes that is yucky. The man might have done it to cause his wife pain and emotional instability but it also tells us that he has no self-respect and his hygiene is highly questionable.

Why is that some people will only get the message when someone has the guts to add a voice to their actions and announce loudly that: “I don’t love you anymore!”

Troubled relationships do not suddenly go pear shaped. Sometimes the signs are there in the very beginning. The young woman refusing to get tested does not realise she is the real trouble in the relationship. She is lucky to have a father-in-law who wants to ensure they have a good start in life. That elephant in the room has to be addressed.

And the young woman from Kadoma knew even when they were dating that her man was a player. She just assumed she would be the woman who would be “ENOUGH” for him. She figured she would be the woman who would end his philandering.

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