I took a butcher’s (hook) “look” in Cockney rhyming slang) at TBK on Tuesday. It’s amazing how many folk use rhyming slang, not realising it. “Use your loaf” is the truncated form of “use your loaf of bread” (head) meaning common sense. “Get down to brass tacks” means “Discuss the facts”. I heard what a true Cockney would probably call a toffee-nosed twit describing someone as “A prize berk/birk/ burk.”
I’m sure he didn’t know that was extremely vulgar. Those with street cred know “berk” is short for Berkhamstead Hunt… and what does that rhyme with? I didn’t know whether to be, amazed, filled with admiration or disappointed at TBK.
It’s mainly a gourmet delicatessen, butchery, fishmonger, etc, selling a luscious range of epicurean goods from across the culinary world…that seems to work well, although I didn’t see queues buying wine, crusty French bread, whole wheels of Brie, smoked salmon, charcuterie, crustaceans etc.
Adjoining the butchery is a display case of meat and shellfish to be chosen and charcoal-grilled. You pay for steaks (all hung 21 days), chops etc by weight and that’s what your meal costs, with chosen starch: German mash, home-fries, baked potatoes or rice.
I chose two handsome pork chops which (eventually) were served at my outside table with a generous dollop of mash, no more Teutonic than me, and a selection of stir-fried vegetables, at US$2 extra. (You can have veg instead of starch… or opt for side-salad.)
There are no starters, per se, but lovely sounding breakfasts are served until 11:30am, including smoked kippers or haddock with coddled eggs, presumably on toast? at US$7. Full English with bottomless coffee looks a bargain at US$8; American pancakes with fresh fruit, syrup, honey and cream or French toast with strawberries are US$4.
Make-your-own wraps with a grand selection of fillings are US$7 and sandwiches US$5; nicest sounding was Black Forest ham with a choice of cheese.Ordering area is cramped; this may need tweaking. It was busy on Tuesday, but that’s usual in new outlets in Ha-ha-ha-rare, until the novelty wears off.Salad bar contents were scrumptious looking; the menu says eat as much as you like for US$6. This again, may need tweaking as I saw two pencil-slim honeys return at least twice after their original helping.
And as ingredients include Feta, Cheddar, blue, cream and goats’ cheese; shrimps, smoked beef, chicken, crispy bacon, ham, anchovies, smoked salmon and calamari, plus assorted leaves, bean sprouts, peppers, olives, potato salad, coleslaw, nuts and croutons, it’s logical that letting Joe or Janet Public loose to fill bowls vaguely reminiscent of Viking’s helmets as frequently as they wish, is dangerous, given Zimbos’ extraordinary capacities at buffets.
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There looked to be no bread (except croutons) to accompany salad. (A reader says he recently saw a party of 35 French folk at a top Falls hotel, miserable as there was no pain to go with rare roast beef and venison. When he suggested the head waiter find bread: any sort — hamburger rolls if necessary — to keep them happy, it was done and the party had a rollicking good night.)
I didn’t activate the stop-watch on my Tissot chronometer, killing time in a novel, but it took roughly half an hour from ordering to being served two nice medium-sized juicy pork chops (fat and rind should have been crisper), good creamy mash and acceptable veg.)
I was told daily freshly baked dessert was “finished”. (It had been cheesecake, not my favourite pud.) My alternate “delicious Nestle ice-cream” proved to be a chocolate lollipop! First I’ve had in a quarter-of-a-century.
Annoyingly, when I quickly toured the premises taking pictures, there were nice-looking Eccles cakes on sale, which would have gone well with a splendid, large, cappuccino.
This isn’t the place to celebrate a 30th wedding anniversary. I would have said it WAS the ideal spot for a quick substantial meal, but speed wasn’t its hallmark, judging by my experience and that of tables around me.
Two pork chops and trimmings (no apple sauce), ice-cream (lolly!), coffee and two local lagers (US$3 each, Oy vey!) cost US$19,69.Butcher’s Kitchen, Borrowdale Village (where Keg and Sable was); fully licensed, open daily.Phone 884445 (unanswered eight times) [email protected] Miller rating Three Stars February 2012
I’m a great fan of crossword puzzles, Scrabble, quizzes and brain teasers to keep the mind active.Fun quizzes are regularly held at Reps Main Bar starting 11am Sunday mornings mid-month and, recently, blue@2 Private Wine Bar began them every other Thursday (next one March 1) at 6pm for 6:30.
A Reps quiz comprises 100 questions in five x 20 tranches, lasting about two hours; blue@2’s is of 35 questions which takes under an hour. It speaks volumes that three of four of us in our team (we were joint first, but lost on a the third question of a tie-breaker: none of us knew the name of the soccer ball used at the RSA World Cup… it was Jabulani, for God’s sake!) were still there at closing time (11pm.) I proposed two of my guests for membership.
They serve lovely sharing platters, allegedly enough for two punters: more than enough for three most nights and a “proper” light supper on Wednesdays at reasonable cost. There’s often light entertainment and mature discos (no rap, crap, or hip-hop!). “Girls” (from 18-80 tell me they feel safe going there!
Mine Hostess, Danielle Hartmann, is a former photo-journalist; her walls are often used for photo and art exhibitions.blue@2 Private Wine Bar (they serve beer and spirits), 2, Aberdeen Road, Avondale. Open Tuesday-to-Friday 5:30pm-11-ish.
By Dusty Miller
