We sometimes assume that a woman refuses to leave an abusive man because of his ability to provide for her and the children.
We sometimes make such assumptions because it is easier and relieves us of the burden of looking further than that. We sometimes assume that a man who hacks his wife to death, does so only in a fit of jealousy. It is an easier choice to make and makes it easier for us to deal with.
What we are more scared of is looking at the possibility that in most cases both men and women put up with violent abuse because they are unaware of their own self- worth. They place their abusive spouses on a pedestal. They look at themselves and wonder how they could have possibly snagged such a person.
When you undervalue yourself in a relationship, you become the mat on which all the mud collects. In every partnership that works, it is the recognition that each party brings something to the table that makes the relationship not only survive, but also thrive.
It is not always about financial power. Sometimes it is simply about how someone makes your body sing. There are people who have killed their spouse’s lover, not because he/she had more money but for the simple fact that they had the nerve to sample the very same goods they consider so priceless.
Not many couples will admit this in public but the reality is that some men or women find it hard to accept that their lover is doing the same things that make their bodies sing to someone else. If their spouse is going to do any earth-moving things, they should only be reserved for the official spouse. Most crimes of passion are committed because of the mere fact that a man or woman has found their perfect sexual fit and is unwilling to share.
All those people who claim that they committed murder out of great love for their spouse are at most lying. It is easier to tell people you did something for love.
It is harder to convince people that it was just about the steamy sex. People will ask you why you could not just walk away and get it on with someone else.
Chemistry does all sorts of things to people. Some handle it very well but others get destroyed completely.
In an ideal world, we would all like to fall in love with people who possess all the things we want in a partner. But life is not that simple. Some get lucky and find two thirds of all they wish for but others find the money or the heart-stopping sex.
The mature thing would be to ask yourself what you really want and if what you already have is enough for you. If it is, you must also be mature enough to accept that if it ends, you will be dignified about it. The “If I can’t have you, no one else can have you attitude” might mean that you have very high chances of ending up serving a life sentence in prison.
Mind-blowing sex can drive people to murder, but you will never hear anyone stand up in court and use it in mitigation. Why don’t we ever tell the truth? You commit a crime of passion, why stop there? Why not task your legal defence to use the Kama Sutra as your line of defence?
If all you have ever had is some unsatisfactory romp and then you suddenly hit the jackpot and find a man or woman who brings out poetry in places you never thought existed, then surely one day you might lose your mind if you discover the object of your fantasies is sexting [sex-texting] or taking calls from a potential threat.
I can easily see how a man or woman can suffer temporary insanity, take out a knife or gun and commit their first crime of passion. I can imagine all these things because in all the years I have been on earth, I have witnessed just how evil and nasty humanity can be. I am realistic and know that these things happen — they are bad — but they happen.
Life would be much simpler if we were able to deal with our own sexuality more honestly. Yes, sex is not everything, but it does occupy a lot of space in our lives. And in most cases where crimes of passion are committed, the perpetrators might never admit it and instead try and hide behind misplaced love when the truth is it is all about the sex. People kill because they are obsessed, not because they are in love. If you feel your emotions towards someone are so overwhelming that you might commit murder because of them, then please seek help — you are certainly unwell. In my view, no man or woman has yet been born worth committing any heinous crime for.
Men and women might stop butchering each other or their partners’ lovers if they stop thinking that what they currently have is the best sex ever. It might be, it might not be, but if you end up in prison you might never know. You must always remember that for the sex to be explosive, it is not always just about the other person, it is because you also bring something to the party.