We spend so much time focussing in most cases on conflict and fail to acknowledge the gift and blessing of the people around us.
Report by Grace Mutandwa
Early Wednesday my maternal grandmother died. When I last saw her several weeks ago I knew she was extremely old, but somehow I took it for granted that on my next visit she would be alive and we would continue where we left off.
Just soon after that visit, we buried my uncle, my grandmother’s eldest child. My grandmother had not been able to walk for more than two years, so my family decided it would be better not to inflict the pain of making her endure a journey on our bumpy roads from Goromonzi to the city for the funeral.
She was heartbroken when she heard the news of her son’s death, but she accepted it with dignity.
I loved my grandmother even though I knew that I was not her favourite grandchild. On most of my trips to visit her I would always tell myself that I was just doing this for my late mother.
But when my cousin and my aunt phoned to let me know that our grand old lady was no more, I knew deep down that I had made all those trips to see her because I actually loved her to bits.
Now she is dead I know there are so many things I still wanted to discuss with her. She knew so much about the political history of this country.
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She was not a traditional healer, but she also knew about useful herbs. When she married my late grandfather, she worked at the sweet and biscuit factory — Charhons. She was a wise and engaging woman.
When other relatives spoke behind my back about the fact that I am a single mother, all my grandmother asked me was if I was happy.
During one of my trips to see her, she told me how she met her husband, the love and respect they had for each other and just how much fun they had together. She said to me; “Marriage is good if you meet a man who will cherish you and a woman that you will also cherish.
“There is no point in getting married for all the wrong reasons, and to the wrong man only to divorce later.”
I will miss my grandmother. There are so many things I wanted to tell her that I never managed to. We spoke a lot about many things, but I never told her things that really mattered to me, things I hold dear and things that worry me. She opened up to me in a way that I could never do.
Life’s experiences sometimes shape the people we become. I am very emotionally available to my children, but I am more careful around other family members.
I do not always fit in with what other people expect of me, so I find it hard to talk about things that are more meaningful to me. I build a wall around myself because I know just how hurtful some people can be.
That protective wall stopped me so many times from telling my grandmother how much I loved and appreciated her. It stopped me from opening up to her.
I tell my children how much I love them, how much they mean to me, how proud I am of them and my fears as a mother — but I could never do the same with other family members.
My children make me feel secure and I wish I could feel the same way around other people.
I will miss my grandmother’s reverting stories and I will miss the woman she was. People talk of ladies loosely, but my grandmother was a real lady.
She is gone and I do not feel any pain and I will not shed any tears because hers was a life fully lived. I will continue to cherish the time I spent with her, and everything she taught me by celebrating her life everyday. We were truly blessed to have her in our lives. She was the glue that held us together.
During my last visit she did say she needed to rest, and that she was tired of asking God to grant her that much needed rest.
Live as if today is your last day on earth for tomorrow is not promised. May you all find peace, love, happiness and the strength to be a source of hope for others.
Grace Mutandwa is a Communications Specialist, Media Trainer, Author and a Mentor of young female journalists. She can be reached on 0772414482.
email: [email protected] Twitter:GraceMutandwa1/
