The Japanese gave us $5 million for per diems
Greetings from somewhere in the atmosphere.
BY DOCTOR STOP IT
As I wrote this article, we were cruising at high altitude in a virtually empty plane.
But the luggage department was full. Groceries, furniture, trinkets and pampers for the next addition to the Ruling Family and of course, booze.
The $5 million that we received from the Japanese is in my handbag. It has been wrongly reported that the money was given for development blah..blah..blah.
Those are lies! Munopenga! [You are crazy!]
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That money is for our per diems or travel and subsistence allowances.
What can a whole country do with $5 million? Can we build a road or a hospital? No. So those were our allowances comrades.
That money is not even enough to bake the 93 cakes that will be on display at next year’s 21st Movement commemorations.
Thanks to the Japanese, we will hold provincial baby showers and baby welcomes for the National First Born’s first child.
Those Japanese are very clever. They and China are locked in a race for regional domination. So after realising how desperate we are for any recognition, they invited us so that we campaign for them in their push to equal or beat China. At the Bindura rally, Mudhara and the local leadership denounced the Chinese for meddling in our politics ahead of the Japanese visit.
Watch your big mouth Jabulani That talkative and rogue war veteran, Jabulani Sibanda thinks he is very clever. He refused to be a puppet and a sellout when he was approached to become war veterans’ minister after we kicked out knickers thief, Chris Mabhurugwa.
I had said The First Family was willing to let bygones be bygones. Even after JB correctly diagnosed that there had been a “bedroom coup” and that power had been “sexually transmitted” long ago. Now he has the audacity to say I am not the First Lady. He calls me the Second First Lady. He says Sally was the real First Lady. Unopenga Jabulani! (You are crazy).
Plot to embarrass Mudhara unearthed My boys and girls in Gay 40 tell me that when the war veterans were tear-gassed several weeks ago, it was because they wanted to do a dress rehearsal to embarrass the Supreme Leader on Independence Day. During the live address, they had planned to start dancing kongonya and beating drums Chenjerai Hunzvi style.
What an embarrassment that would have been, but sadly for them, their little fanciful hallucinations were thwarted. Now, instead of whistling and dancing on Independence Day, they have been invited for a meeting on April 7. On the agenda will be things like welfare, burials, school fees, free treatment. Kwaaaaaaaaaaaa! All the things that we have promised them and failed to give them!
But they will all melt when they meet Mudhara on the 7th of April.
Hahahahahaha! They should be grateful those boys and girls. We send their children to Border Gezi while ours go to foreign universities. Is that not a positive outcome of ZimAsset.
Their children will need to work for our children in future, as is the case now with them. The powerless Mboko and Crocoduck So Mboko was your Acting President. He can never be my Acting President because he is my junior, together with Crocoduck.
What does the guy do in our absence? He uses State resources to visit his supermarket in Bulawayo. In 2015 after assuming office, his first public duty was to officiate at a family business entity!
And for that, we say well-done Mboko. As a reward, you can spend another two years staying in a hotel and the people will pay for your stay. Of course, he was also reminded that he is powerless when he was barred from touring one of the collapsed industries in Bulawayo.
Some cheeky Harare-based chap told Mboko he would need to write, sign and personally deliver the request if he was entertaining ideas of touring the collapsed company, so I am told.
Poor Crocoduck was marooned in Manicaland where he was supposed to be saying something about human rights.
There was nobody to receive him for the event. Be careful dhakisi. That is a sign of what can happen to you if you offend the gods of this country. Plus people are kind of wary of the contagion effect of being seen with you, given all those allegations of stories and statements about cockroaches and DDT at the height of Operation Gukurahundi.
I realise that Sidney comrade, who is always playing Mr Clean, is also mentioned in Coltart’s book. And the minister of Defence at the time appears to have dodged the scrutiny, as always.
Don’t touch our family friends So some excited gentleman wanted the important university of an important family which leads a prominent church demolished in Mashonaland Central? Pity him. I wish somebody had warned him the church happens to be where mukwasha (my son-in-law) is a congregant.
A million youngsters A million youths will soon be marching into Harare. Mudhara has been told they are coming to show solidarity with him.
Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! But we know better. They are coming to endorse me and the Gay 40. The majority of the youths also think they are coming to show solidarity with Mudhara.
Like the women’s league march which embarrassed Crocoduck, the coming march by one million Zanu PF youths will target Ngwena and war veterans.
Mudhara will be on our side. Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkk! Hokoyo!
Munhuwese kuna Amai! Umasalu wezwelonke! Gushungo 40 Woye! Pasi nemhandu! Your Mother Dr Amai (Fake Ph.D) l Feedback: [email protected]
