HomeOpinion & AnalysisHelp me destroy the party

Help me destroy the party

My People,
I think I should address you as Formula 1 drivers. Goodness me! How do you people survive? I am so used to travelling around in helicopters to the extent that I was not aware of the state of our roads.

letter to my people BY DOCTOR STOP IT

Of course, that is as a result of the condition of The Bobster.

Can you imagine the only African freedom fighter in the history of the continent being driven on those deathtraps on the national highways.

The only option is to have him flown around in helicopters as most highways are littered with potholes.

In fact, those are craters, not holes. Can you imagine me pushing the Icon in a wheelchair or wheelbarrow on those roads.

The Icon would tumble into one of those craters, something which would be very undignified and unrevolutionary.
Even worse, can you imagine what would happen one day in a few years when I start pushing his corpse in a wheelbarrow ahead of critical elections.

Too ghastly to contemplate. It would not be good for people to see The Bobster’s revered corpse ahead of elections.

Speaking of The Bobster’s corpse, I was shocked to see More Girls Tsvangson’s spokesman taking issue with the fact that the old fossil would still win an election even if the revolutionary party fielded his corpse.

Tamborinyoka must have a very short memory like his boss who actually has no memory at all.

Does he forget that during the million-man march held in 2016 and attended by over 10 million Zimbabweans, I declared that The Bobster would rule from beyond the grave.

In addition, Tamborinyoka said I was a fake doctor and that I have a shallow mind and did not grasp basic concepts of communication and that the use of corpses as imagery in reference to The Bobster was inappropriate.

Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

True and false allegations. But on some issues, you need to ask me as I am the one dealing with these issues on a daily basis.

But I digress.

Of course, there were a few supportive recommendations that we could start the process by declaring the Dear Iconic African Revolutionary Supreme Comrade Leader as life president.

With very educated non-violent obedient Zimbabweans, anything is possible. So other than life president, we expect a national holiday in honour of the revolutionary.

We could just call it Bob Day; a day on which children from  all over the country would recite poems in honour of the great revolutionary.

Documentaries would be screened on how he single-handedly freed the African continent from slavery and colonial settler occupation.

Please ignore stories doing the rounds that The Bobster was always a reluctant, if not a timid and fearful, revolutionary.

Can you imagine other people have gone as far as to suggest that the sight or sound of a pistol always sent the one and only revolutionary cowering in fear behind some thickets in Mozambique.

Of course, that is total fabrication by Queen Bee Joice who had the  audacity to challenge Mudhara to say what his war name was or where and when he even fired a pistol during the war, by mistake.

I am sure his guerilla name was something like Sir Bob or something.

But back to the bad state of the roads, I am sure we need to turn that negative into a positive. One thing that is about to get extinct as we know it, is a neatly tarred road.

That is a lasting memory to the legacy of The Bobster. However, the nature of driving you poor sods are now exposed to, has unwittingly made all of you leading contenders to be Formula 1 drivers.

A whole industry has been created and by next year, Formula 1 races will be dominated by Zimbos.

Help me destroy the party

I told you many years ago that, rather than hating me, you people should applaud me for helping destroy the party from within. My able assistant is Jonso, who is an expert in those areas. Or is it expect?

Take the Masvingo party provincial election results. I will not respect the outcome of  those elections because Ngwena’s candidate had the audacity to embarrass the uncle to Bob in those elections.

So, as a result, I will instruct Mboko and Tyson to reject those results so that we cause even more anger in the party.

By the time I am done, I will even be your leader, which if it comes to fruition would help More Girls Tsvangson finally take power.

I really don’t care which way things go really because I will be living it up in Dubai and Singapore.

Careful what you ask for

Many years ago, you people were fond of chanting slogans without worrying about the consequences. Now that has come to haunt you. Remember the slogans: “Viva One Party State Viva! Long Live The Bobster!”

And your wishes were granted! Little wonder some cruel people this year were only bringing Happy Birthday Wishes without wishing many more. You people!

Strong lead

True to his strong leadership skills, The Bobster went ahead and held his birthday party in the vicinity of a genocidal grave. Even silly suggestions that there was need to call off celebrations and send food towards cyclone victims in the area were strongly rejected.

It was all very moving to see all those revolutionaries paying homage at the home of influential Cecil John Rhodes who colonised Zimbabwe.

Munhuwese Kuna  Amai!

Umasalu wezwelonke!

Dr Amai Stop It! PhD (Fake)

Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com

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