HomeStandard StyleAre you in crippling or enabling relationship?

Are you in crippling or enabling relationship?

Fulfilling relationships are reflective of invested time and commitment

Inspiration with Cynthia C Hakutangwi

As we navigate through the month of February, we slowly bid farewell to exchanging the niceties of “compliments of the new season,” greetings with their associated passion that accompanies the excitement of the New Year. February is traditionally famed as the month of love, often characterised by amorous gestures on every platform possible as huge profits are posted in commercial activities that celebrate expressions of love in various styles and grandeur. As some fortunate ones are spoilt for choice with trolley loads of flower bouquets and gifts from lovers and secret admirers, there are those who will remain spectators, not always necessarily out of choice. The energy, passion, sacrifice and desire to connect with a soul mate all meld in a sizzling pot of love in this precious month of February. While it looks good and feels great to have a loved one, in the final analysis the question begs: Are you in a crippling or enabling relationship?

Matters of the heart

There are many paths in life. But the longest of them all is the path to the heart. When we understand the different types of love out there, we can become conscious of how deep our connection is with ourselves and the other people in our lives. Love is a supreme emotion which affects everything we feel, think, do and become. We cannot ignore the power it has over our lives. Each love — whether familial, platonic or romantic, represents a distinct part of who we are as people. We do different things with each, enjoy different parts of their personalities, and feel fulfilled in different ways. Fulfilling relationships are reflective of invested time and commitment. This cannot be easily achieved when our goals do not accommodate relational thinking.

Matters of the heart can be complex and their effect on the functionality of other strategic areas of our lives should never be undermined. When healthy, fulfilling relationships are not cultivated this can result in the explosion of deep-seated frustrations in sensitive spaces such as the workplace or in critical positions of leadership. These explosions are the manifestation of unmet needs which are possibly shelved away in compensatory pursuit of career and material success. Every relationship has its place. For example, we cannot consider our platonic best friends as merely placeholders, keeping us entertained and moderately fulfilled until a “real” love can come around and teach us something new and better. It is important to value every level and interface of relationship for what it is and the need it fulfils in our lives.

For Covenant or for convenience?

In Chapter 5 of the first book in my Connection Factor Collection series titled The Connection Factor: Unlocking your Individual Potential through your Connections, I explore the dynamics of covenant, convenient and contractual relationships. I state that “there is a significant difference between a person who desires a covenant relationship with you and one who wants a convenient relationship with you.” I have found that many of the love relationship traps we fall into can be attributed to a desperation to feel loved at any cost, an inaccurate assessment of a partner’s maturity level, our own failure to value ourselves, unhealthy soul ties, spiritual bondage and sometimes a simple lack of wisdom or discernment in choosing the right, suitable partner. I believe that once we are able to discern and establish the differences in these different relationship formats, we will be able to enjoy liberation from crippling relationships.

Do you have relational goals?

We are all bio-psychosocial spiritual beings as mankind. True health in mankind is more than the absence of disease since wellness involves health in all dimensions of life.
Considering that the dimensions of life are all interrelated it becomes inevitable that decisions in one dimension can positively or negatively influence the other areas. From a societal approach, the top ten relational needs include acceptance, affection, appreciation, approval, attention, comfort, encouragement, respect, security and support.

Wholesome living is a product of pursuing wholeness in every area of our lives. In the same way that we set goals for those areas that we consider as being critical in our lives, we also ought to place great importance on developing relational goals.

Who you are connected with often determines the dimensions that you can access. Certain relationships have the power and potential to lock you out of your destined greatness.
Healthy relationships often nurture and cultivate your potential as an individual, always seeking for you to go higher, achieve better and become the best version of yourself.
If you find that your partner is often projecting their inferiority complex onto you, chances are very high that you will be suffocated and toxified in that relationship. In the absence of goals and tracking mechanisms, it can be very difficult to know if your relationship with your significant other is enabling you or crippling you from metamorphosing from one dimension of greatness into the next.

A good starting point is found in connecting well with your essential self before seeking to connect with the essential selves of others. Remember, you are the one person you never get away from. Many of us fall prey to self-rejection because we feel that nobody really loves us or accepts us. We figure that if nobody else loves us, then why should we love ourselves? Because we think others don’t love us, we feel that we must not be worth loving. As you begin to see yourself through the eyes of God who created you, your view of yourself will begin to change. You will begin to see yourself not as rejected, but as loved and accepted unique and beautiful.

l Cynthia Chirinda Hakutangwi is an organisational and personal development consultant, life coach, author and strategist. Her two new additions to the Connection Factor Collection — The Connection Factor for Leaders and The Connection Factor for Women — speak to matters that position organisational leaders and women respectively, to achieve greater levels of success through their strategic connections. Looking at improving your career, personal effectiveness, communication skills, relationships, focus, faith and happiness? Wholeness Incorporated Coaching offers you strategies you can implement today to review your progress and achieve your goals. E-mail: LinkedIn: Cynthia Chirinda Hakutangwi. Mobile: +263 717 013 206. Website:

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