Value of culture on respect

Obituaries
I grew up in an extended family rural environment that cherished the honour of everyone within the clan. There was a demarcated line of respect based on either seniority by age or the type of relationship. Every member within each household knew his/her place. We were nurtured from childhood to respect all elders, be they […]

I grew up in an extended family rural environment that cherished the honour of everyone within the clan. There was a demarcated line of respect based on either seniority by age or the type of relationship. Every member within each household knew his/her place. We were nurtured from childhood to respect all elders, be they parents, siblings, close relatives and the society at large. It was the first education in our upbringing.

BY PROSPER TINGINI

A child who was weaned from the mother’s milk was placed at the back of the children’s queue when it came to feeding time. We shared food from the same plate but there was a strict rule that the eldest would be the first to dip his/her hand into each of the meals, followed by the next in order of age. It was always the eldest who was privileged to make the first pick of every other things that were to be shared among the children, followed by whoever came next according to the birth sequence. Age mattered.

In the close family set-up we were strictly forbidden to address our father’s brothers as uncles. Everyone of them was referred to as “father”, without selection. The same scenario applied to the mother’s sisters. Instead of calling them aunts as per the English custom, we were grilled to always refer to each of them as simply a “mother”. Anyone who dared to call them by their actual titles was given a thorough tongue-lashing and good education on respect.

Regrettably all this has now fallen away by our adoption of foreign cultures. Family values are disintegrating together with our culture of honour and respect for elders.

I remember reading a book titled Animal Farm in our Ordinary Level English Literature syllabus. In it, a certain group of different animals lived within the same community on the farm, as one family. However, there was always chaos as there was a lot of jostling for recognition and equality. Life was about outdoing each other. Lack of respect for one another meant that clashes of all kinds were the order of the day. To me we are heading towards the Animal Farm environment where everyone demands equality, respect of civil rights liberties and lack of accountability for anything to anyone. The new inclination is simply that we are all equal no matter the age or other factors. Instead of eating from the same plate where the elders make the first pick, each is now given his/her own plate to choose at will. Age no longer matters. We now call “them” uncles and aunts in our greetings. Respect no longer matters.

I now cry out for our lost cultural values on respect and honour moulded around the instructions of the Lord our God. He told us, “Honour your father and mother”. What do we now do? We imitate foreign cultures and TV progammes that address parents by their first names: Parents advanced in age have become burdens and undesired elements in our own homes. Despite the fact that they toiled day and night to make us who we are today, we now treat them ufairly (kuvabata nekunze kweruoko). We would now rather have them thrust into care/old people’s homes or confined to the jungle of rural life, even when they can no longer till the land.

In Leviticus 19:32, the Lord instructed us, “You shall rise up before the hoary head and honour the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the Lord”. Indeed our culture obeyed this command of the Lord to the letter. We didn’t need to be told to stand up to greet all elders. We would always automatically give up a seat to make way for any older or white-haired person who came into our midst, regardless of relationship. The youngsters of today no longer follow in our footsteps. They have been consumed by the teachings of equality regardless of age.

There was also a collective responsibility towards all children. Elders used to treat every child as if their own. They would rebuke or sometimes use the rod to discipline any child who misbehaved anywhere. The collective family values have been eroded such that children no longer fear to commit acts of indiscipline in full view of elders not related to them. The role of parenting is now left to just the immediate family members. A reference to our good God-given guidelines would be of much benefit to our society. Let’s not deviate from God’s teachings on honour or respect across the social divide.

The general degeneration of respect among family, clan and society at large has played a part in the rise of the levels of contempt for authority among us. Authority is now viewed as an enemy rather than a controlling arm in our living. Those in authority are now treated with indignity and scorn. Animal Farm rules of equality are now being misapplied to bring lawlessness among people. Rulers and Kings are now made a mockery of, and ridiculed in public. Humanity in general has put less value to the statutes of the Lord our God and thrown them into the dustbins, under the pretext of freedom of action and a free reign to sin under the disguise of the forgiveness of all our past, present and future sins through the death of Jesus Christ. There is now a flagrant disrespect for the commandments of the Creator, including those on respect.

In Exodus 22:28; God spoke to the people via Moses, “You shall not revile God, nor curse a ruler of your people”. Lack of answers to your prayers is not a licence to begrudge the Lord. Those elected to positions of authority by the people are a representation of the will of God; they must be respected. However, rulers who have forced their authority over unwilling people, or who have fraudulently assumed power through coups or rigged elections, do not have the blessing of God. Such leaders do not deserve respect from the people. In the same vein as the respect for our traditional chiefs, let us also respect all our leadership in other spheres of life in society.

l Prosper Tingini is the Scribe of the Children of God Missionary Assembly – God’s messengers. Contact details: 0771 260 195. Email address: [email protected]