HomeOpinion & AnalysisMuckraker: Why is it that all the Losers are the Loudest?

Muckraker: Why is it that all the Losers are the Loudest?

PRESIDENT Ian Khama of Botswana is going “overboard” in his criticism of Zimbabwe, the Herald tells us. He has an “obsession” with our internal matters if his recent utterances are anything to go by.

And what might those utterances be? He merely called for Zimbabwe to hold free and fair elections so the people could determine their future.
That seems to be a form of heresy in Zanu PF’s book. Khama is claiming to be more democratic than President Mugabe, Herald apologists spluttered. Which, let’s face it, is not too difficult. At the signing of the GPA Mugabe made it very clear, the Herald claimed, he would never rubbish another African leader in public.
Well he may not but the press that serves as his mouthpiece certainly does. And Monday’s rant, full of racist allusions was a good example.
Botswana should remember that it is foreigners who have helped it transform to where it is today, the Herald declared.
What democratic principles does Khama have when he deports foreign nationals from Botswana, the paper wanted to know?
The Herald appears to have a personal grievance among its staff over this issue. But here’s the real complaint: “Has his association with MDC-T made him their spokesman who makes absurd utterances to whip up emotions?”
So calling for democratic elections is absurd? And who are the experts at whipping up emotions? Probably the same ones that were deported from Botswana!
“We understand his strong ties with the UK because he is a grandson,” the Herald fatuously claims, “but he also knows that he cannot be a fence-sitter.
“His father, Sir Seretse Khama, was an African and that makes him an African.”
Can you believe this crude racist nonsense. The West praises Botswana because it wants access to its diamonds, the paper suggests. “But diamonds are not forever.”
And this coming from a regime that has frittered away its diamond revenues with no sense of shame!

We saw last week how cronies of the regime had been awarded rights at Chiadzwa. These were not part of the claims in dispute between the Zimbabwe Mining Development Corporation and the privately owned African Consolidated Resources, we are assured.
We are pleased to hear that because nothing could be more calculated to deter investors. The ACR’s rights have been upheld in the courts but not by the state.
And what was the role of the military in all this? The Herald carried pictures of men in uniform at Chiadzwa escorting the new owners around. The new owners, we are told, have very limited experience of mining.
“It is hard to believe,” the Herald reported, “that it was not long ago that illegal panners and other criminal elements wreaked havoc and perpetuated chaos with impunity.”
What has changed, we wonder!

Under the heading “Mistakes men, women make,” the Sunday Mail’s Garikai Mazara believes readers could do with a little advice when it comes to hanky-panky. He therefore spells it out:
l“Being passive. Don’t let him undress you. Just help him a little bit.”
l“Wearing jeans or tight pants. It takes time to take off these kinds of clothes. Every second counts.”
l“Going down half way. Once you start going down, don’t stop at the belly button…”
As things become more lurid on the way down, Muckraker, in the interests of good taste, won’t follow. But nothing daunts Garikai, it seems, who proceeds to give warnings on “Screaming too loud” (for the ladies) and “nudging her head down” (for the gents).”
In either case, “don’t do it” is the rule.

We were interested to see that Chinhoyi University of Technology held a public lecture on Monday in which Temba Mliswa was the speaker. He is, we are told, “CEO of Salt Lakes (Pvt) Ltd, national vice-president of the AAG, a renowned farmer and an accomplished entrepreneur”.
We hope his lecture went well. But Phillip Chiyangwa, who gave a public lecture recently, would have been a hard act to follow. When students were asked what hardships they suffered and responded about high fees, he dug into his pocket and liberally distributed the amounts needed.
He is understandably very popular at Chinhoyi University! But Mliswa did make an attempt to match Chiyangwa’s generosity. He donated 20 head of cattle to the university farm.

Does the ZRP still have a functioning traffic section? There was no sign of it on Monday night. Heavy rains on Monday afternoon played havoc with the traffic. When the rush hour arrived there was chaos.
Looking down from our perch above Kwame Nkrumah Ave there were the most terrible scenes of anarchy taking place below. Vehicles were pointing in different directions and causing tailbacks up access roads. Kombi drivers rose to the occasion by driving on the wrong side, head-on against on-coming traffic. Motorists in desperation were mounting traffic islands and parachuting into Rotten Row and Samora Machel.
People coming from other parts of town said it took them several hours to get to their destinations because of congestion. It was a truly apocalyptic picture of what happens when law and order breaks down on our roads

On the subject of law and order, we were shocked to see the following three stories on the zimguardian.com website.
“Zanu PF comes to Gono’s aid”; “Zanu PF in financial crisis”; and “Zimbabwe GNU fails to make talks progress”.
These articles, we were told, were authored by deputy editor Simomo Tshuma and business editor Patricia Dube.
They looked familiar –– which wasn’t surprising. They were written by Zimbabwe Independent staff.
So not only did zimguardian.com plagiarise the articles word for word, it put its own headings and bylines on them. The Independent’s original headings were: “Gono, RBZ staff secure immunity”; “Zanu PF  postpones annual congress”; and “Talks deadline lapses without progress”.
Readers should watch out for lazy-zimguardian.com. They reap where they do not sow!

Joseph Chinotimba has added a further honorific to President Mugabe’s list of mandatory titles. In addition to “Head of State and Government and Commander-in-Chief of the Defence Forces, Chinotimba has described Mugabe as “God-given”.
“As war veterans we are on the record as saying there is no vacancy for the post of the President and First Secretary of the party,” Chinotimba declared this week. “We are happy that our able and God-given leader, Cde Robert Mugabe, was overwhelmingly nominated by all the provinces and we will support him for ever and ever.”
Does Zanu PF really think the president’s cause is served by this sort of slavishness? And don’t we recall Chinotimba actually losing his bid to be elected to parliament last year? Why is it all the losers are the loudest?

Finally, we were amused by super patriot Reason Wafawarova’s suggestion that he remains in Australia because he has “expensively shielded himself from deportation hawks” and because he has sued some of his “media attackers” in the past, and that the protection he currently enjoys lies in the fear of litigation by his enemies.
Nothing here about him actually preferring to live there. Anybody who knows anything about Australian journalists will tell you they will hardly be quaking in their boots at the prospect of a writ from one of Mugabe’s more virulent apologists. Newspapers down under devour hacks like Wafawarova for breakfast. And after five columns of mind-numbing self-justifying verbiage on the Mahosian scale, he still hasn’t told us why he refuses to live in Zimbabwe!
C’mon Voice of Reason. Put up or shut up.

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