Jim looked around and discovered that his cigarettes were missing.
He did, however, notice a bump in the carpet and figured that he had laid the carpet over the pack without noticing it there.
Jim decided, rather than to take up the carpet, he would get a hammer and pound it into the ground so no one would know.
When he finished that, the owner of the house walked into the room and commented on what a nice job he had done.
“Jim, the carpet looks wonderful!” she exclaimed.
“Here are your cigarettes; I found them in the kitchen. Oh yes, by the way, have you seen my cellphone?”
A young couple was at a baseball game. About halfway through the game, they noticed a much older couple in the seats below them.
They were being very affectionate. They looked like two teenagers. He had his arm around her most of the time. Every few minutes, one of them was whispering in the other’s ear. They also would hold hands and gaze into each other’s eyes, or kiss each other. There was also a lot of giggling going on.
The young man said to his girlfriend, “I don’t know whether to watch them or the game.”
She said, “Watch them! You already know how to play baseball.”
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”
The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”
“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”
“I hate office work,” said the son-in-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”
“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organisation, but you don’t like factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?”
“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”