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Lighterworld: Woman yearns for attention

“I would love to do that,” replied Diana’s husband, “but the problem is. . . she won’t let me.”

At 3am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. “It opens at noon,” answers the clerk.
About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.
“What time does the bar open?” he asks.
“Same time as before. . .Noon,” replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered, “Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?”
The clerk then answers, “It opens at noon, but if you can’t wait, I can have room service send something up to you.”
“No . . I don’t wanna git in . . . Ah wanna git out!”

While cruising at 12 192 metres (40 000 feet), the airplane shuddered and Mr Benson looked out the window.  “Goodness!” he screamed, “one of the engines just blew up!”
Passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.
The passengers were in a state of panic and even the stewardesses couldn’t maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about.
His words and his demeanour seemed to make most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants.
Each crew member attached the package to their backs.
“Say,” spoke up an alert passenger, “aren’t those parachutes?”
The pilot said they were. The passenger went on, “But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?”
“There isn’t,” replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. “We’re going to get help.”

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