I used to think growing old would be quite nice but I have revised my thought. If you do not lose your mind to dementia or Alzheimer, your body just refuses to co-operate. Being unable to do the simple things you used to take for granted is a punishment I have no intention to endure.
I am quite certain some of my relatives would go to the end of the earth to ensure that I live beyond 200 years. This is the reason I need to put my fate in the hands of medical personnel that have no misguided emotional attachment to prolonging my life when it becomes worthless.
When my maternal grandfather died I thought he was very old. But I look back now and I realise I thought he was ancient because I was very young and at that age everyone looked very old.
Now I look at my grandmother and I know the true meaning of old age. She used to lead a very active life in her community but now she is over 100 years and has to rely on her two daughters for everything.
I am eccentric and pedantic about certain things and the idea of letting people who might find some of my behaviour and trend of thought wacky too close to me really scares me. I ask for paper serviettes in restaurants and wipe my cutlery, plates and glass before I use them. I wipe the chair before I sit down and those are just a few of the mad things I do. I cannot see myself being given a bed bath. That would kill me.
My grandmother is now hard of hearing and has almost lost her eyesight. She requires help to seat, lie down or go to the toilet. The thing about ageing is that by the time she manages to communicate her needs at times some of the things she wants assistance with have already happened – number one or number two is already halfway done. Her control over bowel movements is being lost fast.
In the middle of all that uncomfortable existence is the fact that her bones are obviously also giving up so she is always complaining of this or that pain. She has been inactive for years so it would be natural that simple movements would be painful.
And because we want even more prolonged life for our loved ones, my grandmother has now been dragged all the way from her home to Harare so doctors can treat her. She struggles to digest some foods now and everything has to be cooked to death before she can eat it. At her age any pills administered to her will certainly take a toll on her. If my two aunts lived in America they would be quite happy because their belief in pill popping is phenomenal. They are quite good at diagnosing their mother’s ailments and also coming up with what pill they think will cure the prevailing pain. The only diagnosis they have not yet come up with is the mere fact that their poor mother is very old and old people are housed in old crappy bodies that are always sore from inactivity.
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I would be very surprised if all the pills forced down her throat are not turning into toxins. Can you imagine the state of her kidneys? You can already tell she is beginning to suffer organ failure.
