I hope you all had a sensible, loving and peaceful Christmas and New Year.
Opinion by Grace Mutandwa
We closed 2012 with worrying news of rising statistics in the divorce department. This was hard to believe considering the number of wedding invitations I had to turn down.
It seems just as much as others are fighting tooth and nail to get out, others are equally determined to get in and find out for themselves if “till death do us part” is really possible.
A friend of mine has described marriage as a “terrible experiment”. He tried it and it did not work out so he must have some really good intelligence about marriage.
While I believe that marriage is noble, I also agree that for most people marriage is simply an experiment. Many young women are dying to try it and the men simply get dragged along. Women usually know what they want and will do anything to get it but men are not always brave enough to say “no”.
I admire people who believe that a piece of paper and making silly promises to each other in front of hundreds of people will create everlasting happiness!
If you can only feel secure in each other’s company because of a paper that says you are tied to each other, then surely there is something very wrong.
Yes, having the paper is good business sense if you are going to be buying property and investing together, but there should be, between the two of you, a strong feeling that binds you — something that tells you without any doubt that the person next to you is the one you would like to wake up next to until forever and a day.
I have said this before and I will say it again. Not everyone is destined to find love — it is simply the law of averages — some will find love and the rest will find grief! I am not suggesting you should not try. By all means please do try, but if you only feel tolerance for the man or woman in your life, please know that love is never going to be a part of your life so, please do not tempt the gods. This is a harsh reality but life is mostly about facing up to our truth. Life would be a lot simpler and nicer if we all learnt to accept that we are all blessed in different ways. Sometimes love is not part of the blessing.
In 2013, do yourself a favour and be more honest about how you feel. Life is too short to waste time and energy conducting unhappy experiments.
People who tell you that a man or woman will eventually grow to love you are not being very truthful — they just want to spare your feelings — make you feel better. If a man or woman does not love you with the same passion as you love them, know that sometimes that is as good as it gets. If you are willing to throw yourself at someone who “half loves” you, then by all means marry them and when they finally have the guts to walk away from you, be willing to let them go.
It is the Christian thing to get married. It is the culturally acceptable thing to have bride price paid for you. But, it is also the decent thing to interrogate honestly how you feel and how the other person feels before you drag them to the altar.
There are also people who do find real everlasting love, but there are also many who find temporary love and that is not such a bad thing because everyone deserves to be loved even if it is only for five minutes.
This year be kind to yourself. It might not be such a bad idea to wait until you eventually find a person who deserves you and one you deserve. Love is not impossible — sometimes you do have to wait a very long time. Obsession and lust are not the best foundations for a lasting marriage.
Give yourself time to know the difference between real love and obsession. May God and the gods be kind to you in 2013. May you find real love and forever cherish it. May you continue to make more love and not war and may passion forever guide you. May the force be with you all.
‘Forever is a very long time to promise anyone’
The reality is that women are more excited about weddings than men. For women, the wedding is the end and the seal on their perceived happiness. For men it is mostly an experiment, which they hope will work out. If it fails some men eventually have the guts to walk away but others stick it out in the hope that the women will eventually get the message.
A man agreeing to marry you is no proof that he will always love you — most times all the man is saying is that he promises to try!
Some men agree to get married either because they do not like sleeping alone or because the idea of dealing with a grumpy lover all the time wears them out.
Forever is a very long time to promise anyone. Only God has the capacity to love for such a long time. You must learn to accept that for every 10 people who actually achieve forever, there are 15 others whose forever only lasts two or five years.
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