Some brothers have emailed me to find out more about how the sausage tree I wrote about last week can be effectively used to enlarge male sexual organs.
Inside Track with Grace Mutandwa
They all claimed to be asking on behalf of friends and relatives. Look, I do not judge anyone. Do you seriously think I would buy that explanation? What man in his right senses will tell a friend or relative that they are lacking in the private parts department?
I suspected quite a number of local men wanted bigger weapons. I was just not prepared for the deluge of emails I got from men salivating at the idea of bigger and hopefully better equipment. If you really want to help friends and relatives or more importantly yourself, I suggest you try proven enlargement procedures.
They are expensive but you get what you pay for — something large and befitting for your ego.
I have only heard myths about the enlargement properties of the sausage tree. Some men swear by it but it is not true that walking around the tree butt-naked chanting your specific requirements will automatically translate into more goods in your trousers. This should be done in broad daylight!
Some men I spoke to who credit their being well-endowed to the tree say identifying one particular fruit of the tree and marking it for easy recognition and then chanting only works after some rituals have been performed. They claimed they had relied on the village medicine man to unlock the sausage tree male-endowment powers.
I am not a man so I cannot testify to this. If I were a man though I would not even waste my time with this claim. It just sounds loopy and very implausible. Some of the brothers wanted to know if they could legally offer male-enlargement treatments and set up places for potential clients. Apparently, there are several Zimbabwean men who believe they need some extra centimetres both in length and width!
The way these guys go on, you would think they are talking about mining and not pleasure and reproductive equipment. I am convinced there are many mad brothers out there willing to try anything and I am also imagining male toilets plastered with posters claiming miracle private parts. I suppose a group of men after a game of social soccer, lining up a urinal would give each other tips on where to go for penile enlargement or even show off how they personally benefitted from one treatment or other.
If you set up such a place, making such wild claims, you can be sued and will likely find yourself in jail for false promises and possibly penile enlargement fraud.
Many men suffer from penile envy and every time they are in the showers at the gym or sharing the urinal, they wish they were as big as that one guy who seems to be carrying all his friends’ allocation! It is normal to want things we do not have but it is also normal for those who possess them to pretend that they are better because of what they have.
No man is going to be honest and tell you that his huge equipment is not getting any action at all or that even though he is big, his sexual life is not much more exciting than the brother on the smaller side.
I am sorry boys but all I can say is that if you have more money than brains, then by all means head for neighbouring South Africa and go and be experimented on.
If you do not have pots of gold but you are still desperate to make the change, there are many self-proclaimed medicine men happy to take your hard-earned pennies off you. You can also find the sausage tree at the Botanical Gardens but the police will arrest you for indecent exposure.
And finally, “NO” I cannot recommend anyone or any treatment for your friends and relatives. Scour the penile enlargement websites at your own risk.