WHEN his high school sweetheart dumped him three years ago, Tinashe* vowed never to settle down with another woman.
REPORT BY DALPHINE TAGWIREI
The 25-year-old single father has been staying with his daughter since then.
Tinashe said he was heartbroken after his sweetheart, whom he had made pregnant when he was still a university student, left him for an old rich Harare businessman.
Then, Tinashe was furthering his studies abroad.
“I did not want my child to be taken care of by another man so I told her to give me my child and she complied,” he said. “Three years have passed and I stay with my daughter, because to be honest I enjoy being both father and mother to her.”
Tinashe is one of the several single fathers in Zimbabwe who have taken up the burden of raising their children singlehandedly.
Social commentators said while they had been a marked increase over the past few decades in the number of children living with their single mothers, the scenario was fast changing as more single fathers were also parenting their children.
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Padare/Enkundleni/Men’s Forum on Gender executive director, Kelvin Hazangwi said single fathers were not acknowledged and celebrated much in Zimbabwe.
Talk show hostess, Rebecca Chisamba, popularly known as Mai Chisamba, said it was pathetic that some single fathers were trying to adopt the Western culture.
“It is unfortunate to the kids because parents separate at their expense and to say a single father can raise a child alone is a joke because there should be a mother figure in the children’s lives,” she said. “As people with a culture, it is very important to raise our children in an environment conducive for their wellbeing because this affects them severely.”
She urged parents to solve their problems amicably and limit cases of divorce as this impacted negatively on children. Single parent families face many challenges
Father Claudius Luphahla of the Roman Catholic Church said children from single-parent homes suffered a lot from the relationship breakdowns. He said some of them tended to be rebellious.
“The absence of the female partner in a family affects the psychology of children, hence the children develop tendencies of lacking appreciation for families when they grow up,” said Luphahla.
However, Luphahla added: “To the men who are single-handedly raising their kids, I applaud them for a job well done. It is time society accepted their existence as they want to be a part of their children’s lives and not just money providers.”
According to the American Psychological Association, life in a single-parent household — though common — can be quite stressful for the adult and the children.
“Members may unrealistically expect that the family can function like a two-parent family, and may feel that something is wrong when it cannot,” said the association. “The single parent may feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of caring for the children, maintaining a job and keeping up with the bills and household chores.
“And typically, the family’s finances and resources are drastically reduced following the parents’ breakup.”
The association said single-parent families also deal with many other pressures and potential problem areas that the nuclear family does not have to face. These include custody problems, the effects of continuing conflict between the parents and less opportunity for parents and children to spend time together.
Commentators noted that single parenting negatively affected the upbringing of most children.
The conflicts between parents and single parenting’s effects on a child’s mentality can lead to the child’s inability to grow an attachment with either parent, they said.
This lack of an emotional attachment could lead to feelings of insecurity in the child.
They also said single parents moved around more often, usually because they faced more economic hardships.
They said each time children moved, they had to leave behind their neighbourhood friends and the transition was even more difficult when they changed schools. The possible effects of frequent movement include a sense of isolation, depression, and anxiety. *Not his real name
