Dear my people,
Can you believe I wrote this weekly address while flying back from the rally in Gutu, Masvingo in the helicopter. Or is it holcopter?
LETTERS TO MY PEOPLE BY DR STOP IT
It would not have been good for you not to get my now world famous Sunday address.
In fact, this column has become so popular that one of these days I will give you an update on the feedback that I am getting on my equally world famous email address: Doctorstopit@gmail.com.
The other world famous product is the song that I have been singing at my recent rallies.
I enjoy that song so much that I am contemplating having it released as an album just before Christmas so that you can all play it during the festive season while you enjoy the rice and cooking oil that I have been doling out.
You can play my music during the festive celebrations or whatever it is that you people get down to during the annual shut down.
I am sure it would be number one on all the national music charts for over two years.
After that, due to popular demand, I could re-release my second album, Doctor Amai Stopit’s Greatest Hits Volume 1.
The problem is that although I seem to enjoy hearing myself singing my favourite song, very few people seem to cheer me during the rallies.
I suspect Joice and her mischievous sidekicks, Rugare Ngidhi and Didymouse have something to do with it. They may have sent Wrong Bhasikiti to conduct their collective mischief.
But I digress.
Big welcome in Mat South!
The big show of rallies moved to Matabeleland South and Masvingo this week where I was addressing Zanu PF supporters.
Please, no nonsense about those being Zimbabweans, they are basically Zanu PF supporters.
Of course, we make the right noises and statements that even opposition supporters should benefit from my goodies.
Goodness me! Can you imagine MY groceries going to Tsvangirai’s supporters when Cdes Mboko, Saviour and myself condemn Moregirls Chematama at the gatherings.
Of course, those unfortunate statements mentioned last year about men from Matabeleland South Province were forgotten. I spoke like a veteran stateswoman.
This was the province of the late Vice-President Nkomo.
I mentioned my respect for the late vice-president. I spoke strongly against those pro-opposition NGOs who donate food to villagers before disappearing.
Then I went ahead and did the same! Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk! [laughing] Munhu wese kuna Amai! Hokoyo!
I must say it was good to see Mboko after a bit. Pity he was not wearing the double breasted suits or his cowboy hat. Maybe they were packed away by mistake in the hotel where he has been staying in Harare. It’s a pity that he had to be moved out of his expensive hotel to make way for the visiting Chinese President.
You see, I think what Mboko is doing is the right thing. He should stay in the hotel for as long as he wants.
The worst that can happen is a few People First supporters turning up at the hotel in protest before being arrested by our ever vigilant boys and girls in glasses.
My new slogan should be: Mboko yese kuHotera! Sounds kind of catchy.
Speaking of Mboko, I wonder where the Lizard was when I was in his so-called stronghold when the rally moved to Masvingo.
Held in the home area of the late VP Muzenda, in Gutu, Lizard stayed away. That is why I suspect he sent that woman who said, “Pasi neG40 [down with G40]”.
Naturally, we collectively ripped into her. How could she literally say down with most of the people sitting at the top table?
Just to embarrass her, we asked her what G40 is and she could not explain her wayward behaviour.
Actually, recently I mentioned that the same lady who sits in the Women’s League National Executive contradicted my deputy Eunice Sandi Moyo when she announced that we were dealing with Monica Mutsvangwa in Manicaland for supporting Crocodile Lizard.
I told you in Gutu that Gushaz isimbi, meaning he is made of steel. Equally, I am made of steel, so that means you can call me Simbi Yamdhara. That is why I am the only person who can reveal that we have uranium that is used in manufacturing nuclear bombs. Or did I overstep my mandate?
Have you ever tried to estimate the average weight of people that occupy the top table at my rallies? Please don’t get ideas into your heads. You may think they are overfed. Not true. Those people, like me, starve themselves in solidarity with your suffering.
Like I always say, even Mdhara does not have a penny to his name.
Munhu wese kuna Amai!
MaJournalist kuna Amai!
Dr Amai Stopit!
For feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com