HomeOpinion & AnalysisByo war vets putting spanners in the works, comrades

Byo war vets putting spanners in the works, comrades

Dear my people,
,Greetings from Victoria Falls.

Letter to my people by Doctor Stop It

Things are finally falling into place. Some of you — including journalists — did not see this coming.

But you have yourselves to blame. How could you be so blind? It’s not as if there were no reference points.

You all saw what happened to Teurairopa when she started behaving as if she was now the leader of our great party and country.

She found herself very far from the throne, where all the power is found together with those dreamers Didymouse and other sleepwalkers.

By the way, what happened to those unspeakable allegations levelled against her?

Kkkkkkkkk! [laughing] Ah yas! Hokoyo!

I am usually very stressed by political developments but my week has shaped out quite well, actually.

You may wonder why. Or is it wander why? Well, that’s not important. I prefer to speak in Chinese anyway. I know some naughty foreign journalists are trying to give the impression that I can’t speak Chinese when I have a whole degree in Chinese.

Kwaaaaaaaaaaa! [laughing]

I am sure you all know that the lady who chanted the slogan: Pasi neG40 in Gutu, Masvingo, immediately fired herself from the party.

How could she publicly attack the people’s leadership like that? Anyway, she and her friend Monica are now history. Monica has been up to no good, busy resisting the people’s wishes in Manicaland province.

I suspect the Lizard put them up to that mischief. Or is it her husband who has also been making statements which many of you and myself cannot make sense of. How can Chris support resolutions that the national commissar should be a war veteran?

Where will comrade Saviour go? You should have seen their faces when Daddy announced that Cde Saviour and myself had done well to rejuvenate the party.

I wonder if Daddy will take kindly to that couple’s behaviour. Will they continue to be ministers after their misdemeanors? Kkkkkkkkkkk! [laughing] I don’t know.

Friday was a very exciting day for me. Did you hear the Grand Master making very important announcements? “Pamberi naMai Mugabe!”

That was music to my ears. He also urged those dividing the party to: Stop It! I hope provinces like Masvingo, Midlands and other provinces who are pretending to like The Royal Family were listening.

Don’t you think it would be great if a motion for a certain family to be declared as the Royal Family was moved and seconded at one of these meetings?

The impact on our tourism industry would be phenomenal. All Chinese visitors coming to Zimbabwe hoping to catch a glimpse of Queen Stopit!

But I digress.

The song that I have been singing at my rallies was played by the police band. I told you recently that the song is set to be number one on the music charts.

Wouldn’t it be great for me and my counterpart from China, Amai Xi, a celebrity in her own right, to do a duet to the song? The song would go double platinum in our two great countries inside a week.
Another wrong speech?

I hope reports claiming that another wrong speech was nearly read are as untrue as they should be — otherwise! What would a speech which was read at the Central Committee in Harare be doing in Victoria Falls?

Comrades, are we still together? Are these wrong speeches not being deliberately put in front of mdhara to embarrass him and the spirits of the land?

With suggestions that the grand master should be made life president and that one of the vice-presidents should be a woman, everything was going on smoothly.

Then I hear that there was a wrong speech lurking around. Be careful, comrades. We are being infiltrated. Teurairopa is still confusing people.

There was more unpleasant news filtering through.  What did war veterans in Bulawayo mean by coming up with a resolution that I should continue to lead the women ONLY, even beyond 2018?

And that if there is a female vice-president, she should come from Zapu. And that only war veterans can occupy the position of Political Commissar?

Have I not spoken before about some of these war veterans? Did I not make myself clear when I said Mboko and Lizard are not my seniors? And if a person is not your senior, does it not follow that they are your juniors.

Mugoti unopihwa anyerere!
Munhuwese kuna Amai!
Umasalu wezwelonke!
MaJournalist kunaMother!
Simbi yaMdhara!
Your Mother

For feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com

Recent Posts

Stories you will enjoy

Recommended reading