My people,Greetings from the Far East.
Letters to My People
For security reasons I cannot say from where we are spending your money. Life is Good!
Just know that it’s somewhere kuoverseas.
I hope those useless opposition parties led by Joice and Moregirls Tsvangson will not start making unreasonable demands like wanting to know how much our holidays and medical checks will cost.
They may even start asking where we are staying and how much allowances the Royal First Family and security details are receiving. It’s true! We are rewarded to be on holiday, including mukwasha, the First son in-law.
Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!
I hear there were unpatriotic suggestions to the effect that we should cut short our very expensive holiday to come and join you in your suffering.
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What rubbish! I hosted a lavish reception for senior party and government leadership at State House after moving around the country donating rice, cooking oil and suits for chiefs, or is it suites?
How can people be so ungrateful?
Actually, I am considering extending the vacation like last year.
Is it really true? I have heard rumours that Joice moves around telling people that civil servants salaries and bonuses were used to pay for our expensive holiday and medical retreat.
It’s just a coincidence that we are on holiday and there is no money.
But is it really true that some civil servants have not received their December salaries? I hear even the bonus which mudhara promised civil servants has not come through?
Ah! Kwaaaaaaaa!
I suspect sabotage.
Maybe some people working for Joice and Moregirls are behind the disappearance of the money.
The idea is to portray us as insensitive, which you all know is untrue.
The year of more questions
I hear you people have already given a name to 2016. Gore remibvunzo/ the year of questions.
I guess there are many questions to ask.
Is it going to rain? Will civil servants get their salaries and bonuses? How will civil servants pay school fees? Do they still have transport money? Is it true that nurses and doctors are refusing $1 per day to get to work?
With looming drought, will we be able to feed the nation? Will Lizard and Joice be united by the fact that I have crushed them both? Is there meaning to Mboko’s statement that this country can be ruled by a person from Matabeleland, or a WOMAN?
Let’s know our totems, please Mboko once called me a Chihera/MaMpofu but I have since explained to him that I am a Mwenewazvo/MaNcube and that was sorted out.
I have explained to Lizard that when people are talking of Ngwena/ Crocodile/Ngwenya, surely they would be referring to Gushungo our Supreme and Soon-to-be- Life President.
So, if anybody talks about tormenting any crocodile, it follows that the person who should be angry should be Gushungo.
Then there is Lizard, who for some reason is called Ngwena. He has said his totem is Shumba/Sibanda like Misheck. So I guess that should clarify issues.
If anybody makes fun of the Shumba totem, then Lizard can justifiably be angry, although he is not the only Shumba in Zimbabwe.
It follows that if anybody parodies the crocodile, then Gushungo, the real crocodile should be the one offended, although he is not the only crocodile in Zimbabwe.
Why are people adopting other people’s totems?
Which is why I could not understand all the fuss about the croc-bustering tweet last week. I liked this joke. Country for Sale Name: Zimbabwe Model: 1980 Colour: Black Contacts: +263000000000 One owner since new; now lady- driven. Please hurry as lots of Chinese are interested.
I have to go because today we are having massages.
Munhuwese kuna Amai! Pamberi neMboko! Umasalu wezwelonke Your Mother! Dr Amai Stopit –(Fake PhD)
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