My dear children, Since I am the mother of the nation, I have decided that from today I will address you as my children.
LETTER TO MY PEOPLE
I can’t be the mother of the nation and not address you as my children. That would certainly not make any sense. Or is it cents? So from today, all of you will be referred to as children.
After all, most of you behave like children, my children.
Stop the confusion!
My very expensive holiday in Dubai and other countries in the Far East was almost spoiled by the continuous bickering in our party.
Those people in the Midlands led by Lizard and July are causing confusion. Just because I cancelled out the name of July and others from a proposed Cabinet list should not make them bitter.
After all, there were four people from that province who are now ministers and among them are Makhosini, Tapiwa, Jorum and Anna.
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I must say, Anna’s full name is very difficult for me to spell. Actually, I can’t spell it so I will just call her Anna.
I really like those ministers from the Midlands, although I am not too sure of that Jorum chap. He might be a Lizard follower.
As punishment for daring to be appointed as ministers, those young people have been abused, harassed and threatened but they were clever enough to write a letter of protest to the party.
I am sure that you all know that in the event of issues of indiscipline arising, Mboko, Cde Tyson and ME are in the disciplinary committee and we will impartially deal with the issues! Hokoyo Lizard!
But for now, Cde Tyson is getting ready to box a few ears in the Lizard camp. People that may be hauled over the coals include July and a lot of other smaller lizards.
Did I not say people should not cry when some people who are usually quiet start flexing their muscles? Even from here in Dubai, muscles can be flexed.
Then there was the issue of placing a bullet in the hotel room of young Makhosini. Goodness me! What is happening? I know some unreasonable people will try to imply that he put it there to attract sympathies ahead of the kangaroo disciplinary hearing in the Midlands.
But you and I know who the main suspect is. Or is it suxspect?
Then I heard that Lizard had been burgled again. Predictably, the social media was awash with scornful reaction. Purleeeeez! Spare us the theatrics, some of you said without sympathy.
Some even had the audacity to imply that he burgled himself in order to extract sympathies from Zimbabweans. Well, I have no opinion on the six burglaries at the offices of what should be one of the most protected persons in Zimbabwe.
The journalists went overboard again following the visit by Lizard to our holiday destination. There has been a lot of speculation about the major reason for his visit. Others say he had come kuzotishainira nekaprivate jet (to show off the private jet), while the majority appear to believe he had come to complain about the fact that his forever dwindling faction was under severe onslaught from those young people aged between 40 and 50 years.
The journalists went a step further, suggesting that I and even my young Chatunga prevented any meaningful discussions between Lizard and the Supreme Leader.
Others say he had come to ask for the right to act as president given that when he got back home he took over. To be honest, I have no idea about some of those wild claims and allegations.
But if you were in my shoes — which you will obviously never do — what would you do?
I mean the Royal First Family goes on holiday and would I be blamed for ensuring that it remains just that, a holiday, not a working holiday.
But we gave them souvenirs like dinner and photo opportunities, which I suspect they immediately leaked to the Press to create the impression that some power transfer mechanism was being worked out.
But you have to give it to the man. He is very tenacious and gets what he wants. I am sure you know the circulating rumour saying if he guarantees the family’s safety and businesses then we could work together.
But that is a discussion for another day.
Munhuwese kuna Amai! Unconquerable! Umasalu wezwelonke! Mboko muhotera woye! MaJournalists kuna Amai! Generation 40 hoye! Your Mother, Dr Amai- PhD (Fake)
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