My People,I think some of you are just too, too daft to understand some of life’s realities.
LETTER TO MY PEOPLE BY DOCTOR STOP IT
I will not mention the obvious such as the fact that the Ruining Family generally gets medical treatment, education and most basics in life outside the country.
Goodness me! This country is not good enough for us, except maybe for your miserable votes that you gullibly give us and even when you don’t vote for us, we always make a plan. Actually, if more than three million Zimbabweans have fled into the diaspora, would we be wrong to share the same ideas?
If it was possible, we would rule and ruin you from Singapore. Can you imagine holding cabinet meetings via skype or any other meetings for that matter?
Even those celebrated addresses at the heroes acre could still be done via skype while all of you cheer wildly.
Anyway, I digress but as I was saying, there are things that just should not be questioned when they are done by your leaders.
I was wondering why those opposition activists supported by Moregirls and Joyce should storm the five-star hotel where Hotel Mboko has been staying for a very long time.
Don’t they know that one of the benefits of being leaders is to enjoy luxury at the expense of ordinary people?
Don’t those hooligans from the ghettos know that it is normal behaviour in Zimbabwean and African politics for governments to offer luxurious lives to their leaders?
After all, don’t they know that the reason most liberators fought in the war of liberation was so that they could wallow in luxury after gaining independence?
Even during the war, I am aware that quite a number liked to live it up in hotels in Maputo, Lusaka and other parts of the world with whiskeys flowing to no end.
Kaunda’s government at one time complained about them eating chicken pieces in little baskets.
I digress once again, but my point for all you little useless commoners is that we cannot work for you and survive like commoners.
We, as your leaders, have to stay in luxurious hotels and houses because of our rather very special circumstances.
In order to sustain our rather special lives, we have to see how best we can benefit from the country’s resources such as gold, diamonds and uranium.
Tenders in the power and energy sectors can always be given to our children but Mboko was recently told by the Dear Brother Supreme Leader that his son could not benefit before our children had fully benefitted.
So in short, those useless people who were thoroughly beaten by the police deserved the beatings because they were demonstrating against nothing. Demonstrating against normal things. They deserve every painful throb of pain that they are experiencing. As for Mboko, he should be given the African version of the Nobel Prize for visionary leadership.
Ministry of Frustration
You should be aware of an impending cabinet reshuffle in which I have instructed the Dear Brother Supreme Leader to implement as a way of strengthening Gay 40. Lol. The war veterans have been saying Mudhara is actually the leader of what they call the Gushungo 40. I shall not speak on that one.
I have proposed that one of the portfolios should be called the Ministry of Frustration, MOF, which will be responsible for planning all the things that will frustrate and bore you to death.
I am told before it has been formally launched, MOF has started delivering impressive results.
I am told some clever people in the ministry banned the importation of certain basic commodities which are not available locally and the levels of frustrations at the Beitbridge border post reached boiling point when cross boarder traders returning from South Africa were told of the new developments.
Of course the riot police were on hand to deal with all unruly elements. In football, some clever people have also come up with the bright plan to change from Zifa to some strange creature called Nafaz or something.
In Harare, MOF technical officers have pulled off spectacular results with the city going for days without water.
After successfully arguing for the return of bond notes, MOF officers have succeeded in postponing pay days for civil servants.
Naturally, only the men and women with guns will receive their salaries early.
Munhuwese kuna Amai!
Gay 40 woyeee!
Hotel Mboko woyee!
Dr Amai PhD (Fake)
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