My people, The Horrid newspaper of yesterday quoted me correctly when it said I had called on the local media to report positively on developments taking place in the country.
I know there is not much that the media can report positively about, but I thought I would provide a few story ideas for those lazy journalists who cannot think positively about their country.
- One could make a comparative analysis of the money spent on family holidays and medical assessments in Singapore versus the money required to improve our own medical facilities.
- Assess the cost of sending chefs’ children and relatives to South African universities and how the money could be used to develop local universities.
- Interview ordinary people on who should take responsibility for the missing $15 billion and what should happen to them.
- Ask potential investors if they have confidence investing in a gangster State where an Acting President can break into a police station, beat up one or two police officers before freeing gangsters accused of stealing more than a million.
- Calculate how many rural schools can be built using money spent in a five-star hotel over 500 days by a vice-president.
- Do a feature story on how much the recent banning of food imports had a lot to do with protecting family businesses of an African president and that of his deputy.
- What should the international community do about a certain very elderly African president under whose watch, more than 20 000 people were massacred by soldiers who reported directly to him.
- Feature: should genuine war veterans who trained and carried a gun be arrested for issuing communiqués that state that a certain African leader committed genocide, including how he purged his war-time comrades.
- Write a feature stating how a certain son-in-law had a whole power station built for him by his dotting in-laws who owned a little country in southern Africa.
- Do a news story stating how national agricultural equipment was distributed in a partisan manner to some ruling party members by a certain First Shopper who used the events to denigrate politicians from a rival faction.
- Write a medical column based on the following facts: He stumbled and plunged headlong into the red carpet, he read the wrong speech in Parliament without realising it and denounced a party which he “leads” without realising it.
- Assess how a certain First Shopper was able to find enough time to do a Ph.D in one month.
- Analyse how a typist was able to loot a housing scheme for civil servants before starting “philanthropic” work in the country.
- Do a news story of a family which has amassed several farms for itself, friends and cronies in clear violation of the “one family, one farm policy”?
- Write a feature story on how a certain banana republic can fail to pay its workers despite claiming to own vast diamond, gold, platinum, uranium and chrome deposits.
I hope this will help the journalists come up with positive stories on our country.
My two Bushwackers The recent solidarity march of members of the women’s league and 30-year-old war veteran was very exciting, from a Gushungo 40 perspective.
Once again, we managed to embarrass Ngwena and Mudhara will not say or do anything about it. I told you I was in charge a long time ago.
You people always say Ngwena is a frightening individual, but two women have so far managed to undress him in public.
The late Asphina Nhari chanted: “Down with G40!” and was expelled from the party.
Sarah “Mawaya” told Ngwena he was a dhakisi and now Dread Mandi has publicly embarrassed Ngwena, but nothing will happen to them because they were sent by Mudhara himself. I know many will accuse Dread of having been high on dhobhu, but her message was clear.
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Sarah Mawaya and Dread have been appointed our bushwhackers who fight our private wars in the party. Do you remember the tag team wrestlers from New Zealand with a combined IQ level of 1? Sarah and Dread play the role well.
Happy birthday to me
The Horrid had an excellent supplement dedicated to my birthday. I was very flattered by some phrases used to describe me.
In one paragraph it described me as “A loving mother, compassionate philanthropist, astute businesswoman, perceptive politician and a remarkable patriot.”
Is that so? Is that really me? I am so humbled, I cant believe it. To those who don’t think so, I have this to say: Munopenga! You are crazy!
Munhuwese kuna Amai! Umasalu wezwelonke! Amai Dr Marujata PhD (Fake) l Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail
