HomeEditorial CommentZimAsset creates job for son-in-law

ZimAsset creates job for son-in-law

My people,

You cannot imagine how good I am feeling. I am sure most of you have no idea how it feels to feel good. With no money, no food, no hope and nothing really to your name, I know you have forgotten the experience of feeling good.

But the story is obviously different for me. For example, if I want to be called a doctor, I can just call any university and instruct them to make me one!

If my children suffer from toothaches or headaches, I can simply instruct a certain airline to carry them to a foreign and very expensive hospital for treatment.

Life is so good! If my grandson is born in a foreign hospital, then that airline will have no option other than to go and collect the little royal and bring him home.

It’s really unfortunate but that is how life is. We cannot all be equal. It’s  like expecting our children to attend National Service training when we all know that the programme is designed for children of peasants like you.
Our children must attend expensive foreign universities so that they are well-trained in how to rule over you and your children in future. Sorry, I digress.

I know some of you will want to suggest that even if an errant son misbehaves in some foreign country, the airline would have no option but to carry a certain elderly and eccentric gentleman to go and rescue him.
Kwaaaaaaaaaaaaa! That story was just a hoax, there was no such issue.

Actually, the boy had made a very important achievement in his life but I cannot share such sensitive information with you. You will start gossiping, which I believe is not a productive enterprise.

So I was totally surprised when instead of applauding the successful implementation of ZimAsset, there was a huge outcry which I thought was a sign that you were such unreasonable people.

For those who missed the news, due to the successful implementation of ZimAsset which was part of the 2013 election manifesto to create more than two million jobs, we delivered on that promise.

ZimAsset managed to create one job for my son-in-law! Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk! Is there anything wrong with that?

How come none of you complain when a certain southern African leader appoints his nephews to Cabinet? Did the practice of appointing nephews to important jobs to the exclusion of others not spawn the word nepotism?

But I digress.

So, instead of all of you celebrating the success of ZimAsset, you were busy making all sorts of allegations when the boy was clearly the best and only candidate suitable for the job. Instead, by now you should have been organising a national music gala to celebrate the development. You can call the gala: Umkwasha wethu gala.

He will join the son of another national hero who was recently given a plum job there.

The problem with people who behave like peasants is that they don’t plan and prepare for their families.

I am sure you have heard about a certain power station in Dema which some misinformed people say was built for my daughter.

Even if it’s true, what is wrong with that? Munopenga! Liyahlanya!

Advice for Ngwena

I hope the fast-sinking Crocodhakisi Ngwena was not lulled by my little performance in which I played goddess and extended his shelf life.

Even the Iconic and only African Revolutionary went further to assure him that he was around for some time.

I hope he knows how Mutasa was thrown to the dogs by Mudhara after initially reassuring him that nothing would happen to him when addressing party supporters who went on to heckle him.

Back to Ngwena, I hope he remembers that my Victoria Falls resolution was that by 2016, we should have a woman vice-president with most of you making me a frontrunner to land the post.

During my unconvincing performance, I said that the resolution was made with the 2019 congress in mind.

I am sure he and his supporters are smelling the coffee and watching developments on the ground.

I had to go through the indignity of launching our regalia with Ngwena’s wife so that they could be lulled into a deep and false sense of security.

Even people like Mandiitawefodya and some media houses and analysts were confused by my stunts. But he must know the true colours of the Icon. Very soon, he could find himself without a job.

As comrade Mandy said earlier, the youth and women’s league want a special congress that will elect new leadership and if that happens, dhakisi will become an ordinary member.

Gunner protected after groping female journalist

A certain media group seems to think it can violate the rights of women journalists with impunity. A gunner who is attached to one of its stables is receiving protection from the media organisation’s management after trying to undress a female journalist while on assignment.

Unbeknown to them, something is brewing which is going to cause many red faces.
 
Munhuwese kunaAmai!

Umasalu wezwelonke!

Dr Amai Marujata PhD (Fake)

Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com

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