My People, I can’t imagine how you made it through the last week after you did not get your weekly address from your beloved mother.
letter to my people BY DOCTOR STOP IT
I know most of you were so much traumatised as you use my weekly presentation to guide you through the week.
But I am sure most of you are aware that I am currently taking my annual leave which is funded by all you poor sods.
So in addition to the annual all-expenses-paid holiday, we are all having an all-expenses paid expensive comprehensive medicals.
You should all try it, it’s good for you. But I know your poverty is so overwhelming you can’t afford even basic meals. How then would you afford expensive holidays and medicals? Would you even afford the cost of flying to expensive destinations such as Dubai, China and Singapore?
Kkkkkkkk. You poor souls. I guess that poverty is what is making you gossip about my diamond ring worth $1,3 million.
Can you imagine some people find it odd that the official storyline is that Africa’s Iconic Revolutionary who single-handedly brought Zimbabwe’s independence wanted to buy me a diamond ring to commemorate our anniversary.
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The story continues that I then took over and sent money outside the country and when the ring had been polished, I demanded a refund from outside the country.
Of course, as the owner of this country, I am offended by reports that what happened was an attempt at externalising money.
I was really shocked that you people could say that about your mother.
As a law-abiding mother, I will just ignore everybody, including all legal processes.
Bungling Dhakisi Boss Ngwena
I laughed so hard last week when I read the feeble attempts by “Boss” Ngwena to distance himself from his praise-singer Mr No Energy who is also a rabid critic of the Dear Brother Comrade Iconic Revolutionary African Supreme Leader.
For those who missed the story, No Energy was photographed with Boss Ngwena who was holding a cup with the message: “I am the Boss”, or something to that effect.
At the same time, he released his own list of good performers in government led by Dhakisi Ngwena, while The Bobster was somewhere near the back of the queue.
But what really made me laugh was how Dhakisi was quick to throw the musician under the bus when the heat was being turned on him.
The praise-singer was immediately accused of having driven to Ngwena’s lair in Zvishavane, masqueraded as a Member of Parliament before going to pose for photographs with Ngwena.
Purleeeez!
What this may mean is the security systems in this country are so incompetent, which I doubt, or Ngwena and his team think we are so daft as to believe such a cock and bull story.
Anyway, he knows the kind of people that he is dealing with. You people will believe anything. Meanwhile, The Bobster is following everything with keen interest. It is the same kind of keen interest that he had while watching Joice planning her power grab with her cabal. The war veterans have said The Bobster should make way for Ngwena, but he says they don’t represent his interests. Now he has abandoned the musician.
Little wonder people like Jonso abandoned him after the Dinyane circus in which Ngwena failed to defend his followers.
A randy gun-toting diplomat
News reaching my office is that we have a very colourful, randy and gun-toting diplomat from across the river.
Cases of pregnant Zimbabwean women wailing and sobbing at the embassy have become common after being told that they don’t feature in his plans.
Common misunderstandings even outside the embassy have usually resulted in a pistol being whipped out cowboy-style.
More to come on our very lustful “son-in-law”.
Munhuwese kuna Amai!
Umasalu wezwe lonke!
Ma diamonds to Mother!
Dr Amai Marujata PhD (Fake)
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