My People, I do hope that this important presentation finds you well. This is a must-read as I sacrificed my time to write it.
letter to my people BY DOCTOR STOP IT
It meant missing out on some shopping and very expensive manicures and pedicures. I can go into very serious depression if I miss out on shopping.
But I doubt that you people are fine.
I am told you are at the risk of contracting that primitive disease called typhoid.
It’s a disease that thrives in a dirty environment such as uncollected garbage and free-flowing sewage.
Thankfully, our whole family fled just on time and we are away in countries which are led by solid and professional people.
I was shocked to read somewhere that the emergence of primitive diseases such as cholera and typhoid was a legacy of The Bobster, Africa’s only Iconic Revolutionary. What madness!
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I was recently briefed that there is an outbreak of potholes in many cities across the country and that driving around is a nightmarish experience.
But how do you people manage to cope with such problems and still remain cool with it? Maybe, you deserve such treatment.
I hope nobody will start making treasonous statements to the effect that pot-holed roads are a legacy of Mdhara because Rhodesians under Ian Smith did not know what potholes looked like.
Poor farmers, information reaching my desk is that the country has no fertiliser for your crops.
Well, I know Ngwena and his allies under the command agriculture system are presiding over a process which is open to abuse by corrupt people and this could have contributed to the shortage of fertiliser.
What this will mean is reduced yields, which will equate to hunger. Do I hear anybody say food shortages and starvation could be another of the Dear Brother Comrade Supreme African Iconic Leader’s legacies?
Munopenga! Liyahlanya. You are all crazy!
Food shortages are ideal as we go into the crucial 2018 elections. Some unpatriotic and malicious opposition activists were even suggesting that government introduced command agriculture to ensure the season would be a poor one in terms of food production.
This would leave all you mugs at the mercy of the revolutionary party during elections in 2018 as food would be used as a vote catcher.
Which is nonsense, of course. Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!
Stress department
Remember I once told you about a special unit in government whose role is to do nothing but dream up how to make your life hell and full of stress?
I am sure you realised how effective those boys and girls can be after they decided to give you a huge dosage of stress by increasing the cost of your whatsapp and Facebook bundles.
So palpable was your anger and after realising that it might cost the party in the next election, I reversed that order.
We will rule forever
You people are a sorry lot. With all the problems that you are facing, everybody is still in the festive holiday mood. We can afford to take very long holidays in the face of major crises in the country because you people are educated, law-abiding and peace-loving.
The opposition has helped our agenda. Remember they are essentially bitter children of the revolutionary party and so deep down they still love the party.
Let’s start with Moregirls Tsvangson. He is busy mourning to African leaders, most of whom, like himself, admire The Bobster and are powerless to say or do anything about us. He is still boycotting elections ahead of reforms which will only happen in his dreams.
As for Madam Ten Percent, you have to feel sorry for her.
She leads a party with no known leadership structure. So who is her deputy? But she was in a hurry to allocate herself the post of president. When will she hold the convention? All you people can do is to debate Ngwena’s coffee mug. Little wonder somebody labelled us a nation of mugs.
If Ngwena is seen with expelled party youths, everybody loses their minds. But when those two clean-shaven boys, Tyson and Themba, are photographed in an office, nobody says anything.
Bravo Warriors for snubbing Dhakisi
I am no longer a keen follower of football after discovering that it is full of corrupt match-fixers. Our national team was at one time affected by match-fixing.
The African and world game is not immune either. Did you notice how our mighty warriors were robbed of victory recently in Cameroon which hosted the women’s African championships.
Our own boy, Khama Billiat was cheated of the African footballer of the year gong in another case of daylight mugging.
Let’s wait and see what happens to teams from outside north Africa and West Africa at the ongoing Afcon.
Remember, the CAF president is from Cameroon, while the CAF headquarters are located in Egypt, so it’s all regional considerations.
My only joy from the Warriors was when they snubbed Ngwena at some silly farewell dinner.
Unbeknown to him, one of my Gay 40 boys who likes young footballers played a sterling role in snubbing Dhakisi.
Munhuwese kuna Amai!
Umasalu wezwelonke!
The First Typist!
Dr Amai PhD (Fake)
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