As usual, I am very excited to be writing this world famous weekly address to you.
letter to my people BY DOCTOR STOP IT
Let’s not continue to be small-minded by continuing to raise issues which do not bring development to our country.
Comrade Shuvai usually calls it deeeevolpment.
I know that in your small silly chat groups and other gossip platforms, you are always raising unimportant issues like potholes, corruption, nepotism, bad governance, poor health delivery and the non-functioning government.
Goodness me, some of you were even committing treason by questioning the fact that the Dear Old Bobster blows millions to receive basic medical attention in Singapore.
At this point I need to make it clear again that when the Great Uncle made a quick dash to Singapore for more medical consultations, it had nothing to do with an alleged running tummy after splurging on cake and Lays potato chips in Matobo.
Malicious and jealous people had gone into overdrive with all sorts of gossip, especially about some cake-related running tummy.
Anyway, back to medical consultations, where do you honestly think the iconic African revolutionary should get his “scheduled medical reviews?”.
I hope none of you is even thinking that he should be attended to at Parirenyatwa, Gomo or Mpilo central hospitals.
There are too many common people there. What if he catches some African tropical diseases.
In any case, standards at government hospitals have deteriorated since 1980. Well, the major reason is simply that after we reclaimed our land from the white people, their cousins in Europe, North America and Australia retaliated by imposing crippling sanctions.
My advise to you is to stop making unproductive prattle.
Be on the lookout for those making unpatriotic complaints on why our children don’t join Border Gezi but are sent to top foreign universities and the cost met by the tax-payer.
As we inch towards next year’s elections — which will be won even by a corpse — you need to start talking about productive things.
Examples include the unbeatable record that under the able leadership of the great Bobster, our water now tastes better than it did during the racist Rhodesian rule of Ian Smith.
Even the milk that our cows are producing in independent Zimbabwe is not only nicer, but creamier than Rhodesian milk.
You could also talk about ZimAsset which as you all know, is expected to produce more than two million jobs before the next election.
ZimAsset, or whatever you call it, is working, you should ask me. It has created one job at the national airline for my son-in-law, so I can testify that it is working.
I was completely shocked but not surprised when I read in some opposition newspapers that Comrade Chris described ZimAsset as a stupid document.
How can he say that, honestly? Does he not know that the Iconic African revolutionary and Conqueror of the British also made a lot of inputs based on his knowledge acquired from the confines of Rhodesian jails.
Is he also saying The Bobster is stupid? What does this mean for the Politburo and Central Committee which endorsed the ZimAsset document?
Who was it who said that chap was stealing and selling female guerillas’ undergarments while others were busy fighting the war.
During the US presidential elections pitting Hilary Clinton and Donald Trump, some people made the unkind comparison that the Americans would have difficulties in choosing a candidate as the election was like having me and Fidza contesting in a presidential election.
Those were their silly opinions but I must congratulate Fidza for bringing to an end the autocratic and lengthy rule of 70-year-old Cameroonian Issa Hayatou who has been leading African football since 1988.
Fidza was reportedly the mastermind of the coup as he managed to raise sufficient votes to remove one of football’s long-serving dictators.
I have already written that with a Cameroonian as president and the Confederation of African headquarters located in Egypt, football fortunes always favoured West and North Africa.
Remember how the Mighty Warriors were cheated of victory against clearly inferior Egyptian opponents?
Cameroon hosting African championships and reaching two finals and winning one tournament.
It is for the above reasons that I have decided to congratulate Boss Fidza.
You see, comrades, we cannot have a person being president for 29 years as if there are no other people who can rule.
Dictatorships and leadership by geriatrics is an ancient practice which should be outlawed and discouraged from the African continent. When you have geriatrics assuming leadership positions and refusing to make way for other leaders, then there is no way that development can ever be achieved.
Old leaders will naturally have old ideas which have no place in modern times.
Hence Fidza needs to be congratulated for leading the charge to replace an old dictator.
But in case you are beginning to get excited and getting carried away, such silly things like replacing tried and tested leadership can only be done in the foolish world of football.
In our world, The Bobster, who has been in power since 1980, will be the people’s presidential candidate next year at 94.
His revolutionary stint as people’s leader will end when he is 99!
Munhuwese kuna Moms!
The First Typist!
Dr Amai Stopit! PhD(Fake)