HomeOpinion & AnalysisWhy shouldn’t I own an animal sanctuary?

Why shouldn’t I own an animal sanctuary?

My People,
I am really sorry I have not been seen in public for quite a bit.

letter to my people BY DOCTOR STOP IT

I have been engaged with very important business.

Already, some haters are speculating on why I have not been visible at funerals where the standard is to harangue, berate and humiliate veterans of the country’s war of independence.

Of course, veterans who fought for a country’s independence can only be humiliated in this country.

Can you imagine war veterans from Mozambique,  United States, Canada, United Kingdom, Canada, France, South Africa and Namibia being humiliated at funerals?

But like that wayward politician called Margaret Dongo, it looks like all those people in that political party, particularly the men, are wives of a certain elderly gentleman politician who has refused to vacate office since coming to power in the early 1980s.

I apologise for digressing from my line of thinking.

It must be the viceroy and coke which can be very soothing and relaxing, particularly to young wives who have to wade off baying young turks desirous of inheriting the Dear Leader Brother African Iconic Revolutionary’s throne and other very important things that he acquired in life.

As I was saying, I have not been seen in public because I was doing very important work for my family.

I was busy supervising the eviction of scores of some very unimportant people from a farm where I want to put wild animals.

I don’t know why some people want to start pretending that the lives of ordinary peasants that nobody knows are special.

That is why they are called peasants. Their houses can be easily destroyed without compensation and their family property dumped hundreds of kilometres away.

Remember, that is exactly what was done by white settlers when they removed black people from their fertile lands in the 1940s and dumped them  in poor unproductive lands infested with diseases.

Back to evicting unimportant peasants, any court orders or enquiries will be ignored as we have always done.

If anybody thinks The Bobster will intervene, then they are wasting their time as they have been for close to four decades in which he has fashioned himself as a pro poor revolutionary.

That chap is in total agreement with what I do. Kkkkkkkkkkkkk! I also implement some of his suggestions which are discussed over the dinner table.

He has also done a bit of amassing of land himself and has no problem with me getting a few extra hundreds of hectares from which we can evict some people and resettle more important things like animals which can earn our family more money.

The other important thing that I needed to do was to travel overseas to see how we could secure our future.

Houses in Dubai and Singapore have to be secured ahead of any eventualities.

A girl like me has to take care of her future.

But I don’t care and don’t have to explain such sensitive things.

Munopenga! You are all crazy!

Death of an airline

I find it odd that some people were angry at the fact that the local airline virtually ground to a halt in terms of not having its own planes to fly.

Some of them even had the audacity to blame The First son-in-law for running the airline into the ground in record time.

It’s not as if the boy is to blame. I mean he works with many jealous people who spend most of their time trying to sabotage the chap.

Remember, he does not work alone as he also works with the son of a former vice-president and it is not fair to blame my boy alone for the spectacular collapse of the airline.

Kwaaaaaaa! Remember the transport minister said he was the best during the interviews for the job.

Truth of the matter is that there is nothing new with The First son-in-law engaging in spectacular failure.

He has followed in his father-in-law’s footsteps, who ran a very thriving southern African country into the ground.

To show just how adept he was at running going concerns into the ground, the father-in-law would later announce that a family business had realised record losses running into several millions of dollars.

Besides, I think my son-in-law should receive a medal of honour for his achievements.

It took many years to destroy NRZ, CSC and other viable entities but the boy has taken a few months to achieve that rare feat.
I think he has all the qualities of a president.

State security

Understandably, most of you were really traumatised at the sight of Africa’s Iconic Revolutionary Dear Elder Brother Supreme Statesman Leader with a new hairstyle.

Some of you were of the opinion that who ever was behind that “hair do” was a saboteur whose aim was to portray The Bobster in negative light.

Others went as far as to hint darkly that the person responsible for the hairstyle and the person behind the “massage wheelchair” and the person responsible for the wrong speech which was read in parliament were one and the same.

Your anger is understandable given that some people were already ridiculing the “zuda-muparavara” style.

Unfortunately, we cannot comment on that as it is a national state security issue. Surely, we cannot be commenting on why The Bobster is now hairless.

Munhuwese kuna Amai!

Umasalu wezwelonke!

Dr Amai Stopit! PhD (Fake)

Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com

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