HomeOpinion & AnalysisThe first family’s real state capture

The first family’s real state capture

My People
As usual, I will start with a world famous saying which I made during one of my rallies held around the country.

letter to my people BY DOCTOR STOP IT

“If a person is not here, then they must be somewhere.” –Dr Amai.

Yeah, very profound saying indeed. I am sure that my sayings, like the equally profound sayings made by Cde Chinoz, should be compiled into a book which every member of our party would be forced to have after making donations or investments of US$20.

We can always force schools and all civil servants to buy copies to make sure that we have a very wise nation.

I am sure I find most of you well. As a desperately poor and suffering lot, I find it odd that some of you can have a reason to smile.
A brief look at what is happening around and to you is a clear sign that you are suffering.

But it’s better to suffer under a black African revolutionary leadership than to be led by a white man or their stooges and puppets such as Moregirls Tsvangson.

Even if you fail to access basics such as food and education for your children, you will be comforted to know that our children are going to very elite schools and are pampered like princes and princesses.

Your children can always go to attend Border Gezi where there will be no jobs provided but free meals and free uniforms are available.

It must be difficult to have some money in bank accounts and then you fail to access it.

Again, those are not problems that some of us have to grapple with.

The money can just be used as a ruse to buy million dollar rings in Dubai to ensure the money is externalised then claim it from there.

There is enough money floating around from prophets and organisations who are prepared to pay protection fees.

Ask Sandi and Sarah the reason why I dumped them. It was all about fighting over money and succession.

Before you make rushed decisions like blaming your hard-working leadership for the mess that they have created, please understand that their actions were as a result of the punitive sanctions imposed on the country and its leadership by those imperialist devils from western Europe and their allies.

As a result of economic sanctions, they developed psychological problems which turned most of them into incompetent leaders, thieves and other things that affected them.

I won’t mention the collapse of the economy. But you have to give it to us, we have created one job for the first son-in-law, while the rest of you are expected to create your own jobs.

Hospitals are now places where people go to die and not to be healed.

But that again is your own problem, because that is a problem that affects poor people such as yourselves.

For some of us, a toothache or even a headache in the family will have the son-in-law revving the engines of the only remaining plane, ready to fly family members to Singapore.

I have left Gay 40

I also need to share with you that after having realised which way the tide is flowing, I decided to abandon Gay 40 and seek protection from Lacoste.

But it came with a lot of horse trading which included throwing poor Sarah and Sandi under the bus and expressing outrage that they had embarrassed Ngwena and George in front of The Bobster.

To ensure my protection after we start getting ruled from the grave, the horse trading included cozying up to those war veterans who have assured me that they can campaign for me in Harare South, which invariably means throwing Cde Shady Mashayamombe under the train.

I have no problem with that because Cde Shady was one of those who were initially opposed to my getting involved in politics.

Can you imagine they had the temerity to suggest that I should try and get a seat in Zvimba.

Me, spending time with peasants? They are all mad. It is very unfortunate but I had to do some spring cleaning which included abandoning Cde Tyson and Cde Undenge in Manicaland.

I am now under pressure to ensure the women’s league makes equally decisive decisions against Amai Undenge and Mandiitawefodya.

We will have to find a charge against them. Something like undermining Dr Amai by blinking or sneezing while I was speaking.

Depending on whoever is the dominant faction, I will stand by them. Lacoste people used to say the G40 had captured the state. Can the same not be said of Lacoste now?

Where are the Dangote billions?

I am sure after having met the top leadership of the country during his visit, the promised Dangote billions will soon be coming. The horrid business section has even given up on regular updates of his team of experts finalising a few outstanding issues before the billions start flowing into the country.

If he brings in say $100 million, as African revolutionaries are we going to grab $51 million and let him keep $49 million under our heroic indigenisation and empowerment laws?
Be careful
A day before the Independence Day commemorations, The Bobster held a traditional shindig for young people. Dead BC ensured the few that have access to their signal were able to view the event.

I was bored stiff throughout and only came to my senses upon seeing children singing Oliver Mtukudzi’s famous song: “Tozeza baba vauya vadhakwa.”

Strangely, they sang as they held portraits of a very revered African Icon. Maybe it was just a coincidence.

Munhuwese kunaNgwena!

Ngwena unconquerable!

UNgwena wezwelonke!

Dr Amai Stopit! PhD (Fake)

Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com

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