Many readers will have grown up hearing the story that revealed Solomon’s great wisdom when two women came to him both claiming vehemently that a baby was theirs, following the death of another baby. Solomon’s solution was somewhat surprising: “Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other!” (1 Kings 3:25) Such a response was enough to reveal who the real mother was, as the real mother would not allow her child to be cut in two. The same question might well be asked of our children today: whose child is she? How will we respond?
by Tim Middleton
One headmaster used to listen to parents talk about their child and would then ask them who the child took after.
Of course, we all know that if the child is bad he takes after his father but if the child is good he takes after his mother — at least so the mothers will tell us! This view is echoed in the following well-known piece: One day a university professor bemoaned about his students that, “Such rawness is a shame; lack of preparation in the school is to blame.” On hearing this, the sixth Form teacher countered, “Good heavens, what crudity! The boy’s a fool. The fault, of course, is in the lower school.” Immediately, the secondary school teacher retorted that, “From such stupidity may I be spared; they send them up so unprepared.” Unsurprisingly, the primary teacher school explained, “Early childhood development (ECD) blockhead! And they call that preparation! Worse than none at all!” In turn, the ECD teacher declared, “Such lack of training never did I see! What kind of woman must his mother be?” Naturally, the mother had an answer, “Poor helpless child; he’s not to blame. His father’s people were all the same.” Not to be outdone, however, “Said the father, keeping in line, ‘I doubt the rascal is even mine.’” No-one seems to want to take responsibility for our children.
We are all inclined to spend our time blaming everyone else apart from ourselves about our child’s behaviour and ability — unless she does well, in which case we credit only ourselves for her success. But whose child is she? Perhaps if we hold to the view that, “It takes a whole village to raise a child” we will argue that the child is the village’s. The harsh reality of today’s world though is that this village no longer exists — urbanisation has destroyed the village. Instead, we now have a global village where Kim Kardashian is the aunt, Zlatan Ibrahimovic is the uncle and Donald Trump is the grandfather. Are we happy with that? No, the child is not the village’s even if the global village wants to have our child.
Some might be led to think that the child is the government’s, as the government is the one who is trying to say what the child must be taught through its curriculum. The government has a role to play but the child does not belong to government. Government needs to provide general education in areas where a parent is not qualified; it must train and finance teachers, provide and equip schools, not determine what the child must and must not learn. The child is not the government’s.
Many will be inclined to think that the child is the school’s, judging by the way that many parents do not get involved. However, parents must understand that the school’s role is simply “in loco parentis” — teachers act in the place of parents when the parents are not there. No, the child is not even the school’s, even if it seems the school wants to have our child — when she is good, of course.
Let us not pretend any other thing: the child is the parents’ — both parents’. It is the parents’ responsibility to raise their child, not the school’s or the government’s or the village’s. Sadly, all too often, parents bleat out that they are too busy and believe that if they pay the schools fees (or not) then they can collect their child in six years’ time — preferably properly educated. In that time they expect the school to teach discipline, manners and respect along with all the other subjects. Let us be clear — schools should not be teaching life skills. That is primarily the parents’ responsibility; the school is there to reinforce them.
- Chamisa under fire over US$120K donation
- Mavhunga puts DeMbare into Chibuku quarterfinals
- Pension funds bet on Cabora Bassa oilfields
- Councils defy govt fire tender directive
Keep Reading
Perhaps then we also need the same dose of wisdom that Solomon had in resolving this issue — today there are not simply two women contending over our child but many more parties. Solomon’s way to discover whose child the baby was — the one who was willing to sacrifice everything to give her child a life — should be our test as well. Parents, take responsibility for your child.
Tim Middleton is the executive director of the Association of Trust Schools and author of the book on “failure” called Failing to Win. email: [email protected] website: www.atschisz.co.zw
