Greetings from South Africa.
I was keeping a secret from most of you. The secret being that my children are attending school in South Africa.
letter to my people BY DOCTOR STOP IT
Of course, you can’t expect my children to be attending those inferior learning institutions in their country.
Others will try and suggest that the education systems were destroyed by their father. A big lie of course.
The learning institutions were destroyed by Ian Smith before we took back our country.
After Dubai, my children have now moved to South Africa.
Surely you don’t expect my very special children to be attending Border Gezi Training camps?
Or attending those youth interface rallies around the country. If they want to interface with their father, that can easily be done at home.
Those rallies are for ordinary peasants and their children who want stands in urban areas and farms.
Actually, I am revealing the whereabouts of my children because their father unwittingly let the cat out of the bag when he revealed at the rally that the boys are now attaining their education in the neighbouring country of South Africa while addressing a rally in Masvingo on Friday.
Of course, we will not go into the small matter of just why they had to hurriedly leave Dubai and the expensive house that they were staying in.
Please, let’s not entertain unfounded unpatriotic allegations of wild partying and security breaches in the desert country as possible reasons for relocating.
I am so relieved that those nosy journalists were not paying attention when The Bobster let another cat out of the bag.
Actually, he let several cats out of several bags.
He said I was not able to attend the Masvingo rally as I needed to check out the boys in response to a tsaona. What tsaona? I hear most of you asking.
Now I certainly cannot reveal what that tsaona in South Africa is as it is a sensitive issue which necessitated my presence in Mzansi.
Let me allay the fears of my haters by saying there was no shopping done in Mzansi as there is nothing worth buying there.
Arsene Wenger and The Bobster: Same, same
We are certainly not amused by jokes doing the rounds which are seeking to equate Bob’s continued stay in power to that of Arsenal Football Club coach, Arsene Wenger who also continues to stay on as manager despite bringing trauma and anguish to supporters for more than 20 years.
Some Zimbabweans, clearly under the influence of opposition politics, are even alleging that Bob has equally brought nothing but anguish to Zimbabweans over the years.
Morgiza and the Generals
Morgiza never ceases to amaze. After endorsing the Biometric Voter Registration (BVR) kits, he was left with a public relations mess on his hands after it emerged that the company that had won the tender was not happy with the deal.
Apparently, unconfirmed reports say Nikuv was ready to assist us with our elections next year.
Last time they were involved in our elections, Tsvangson was left fuming.
Last week he was at it again, claiming that he now had the trust of the military.
Morgiza — are you sure?
Once upon a time
Below is a message circulating on social media designed to create some mischief ahead of our elections next year.
Do you still remember a time when your family would sleep under blankets made at National Blankets? Sleeping on top of a Mico-made bed?
Waking up to take a bath with Lux or Geisha soap from Lever Brothers Zimbabwe? Using a towel manufactured by Merlin? And later applying Lanoline Milk lotion manufactured in Zimbabwe?
Brushing your teeth with a toothbrush and toothpaste made by Colgate-Palmolive or Close-up made by Lever Brothers Zimbabwe?
Do you remember dressing up in your neat school uniform or Wrangler Jeans, and Playtime-made T/shirt, and shoes from Bata or GnD Zimbabwe? And then sitting down to have Tanganda Tea from our own Eastern Highlands?
You then poured milk from Dairiboard supplied by our own farmers? And you added sugar grown in our soil and watered by irrigation in the Lowveld i.e. Hippo Valley, Chiredzi and Triangle sugar estates? And do you remember the bread with the sweetest aroma from Lobels with eggs from Irvines?
Your day would begin as you drove or caught a bus to work or school. Do you remember as a student receiving free pockets of milk daily at school?
And those who went to work, do you still remember the fish and chips at lunch time?
Or sadza and matumbu or guru? Do you still remember going to the bank to get your money without spending 10 minutes in a queue?
It was unheard of that people with homes would sleep on the pavement waiting for their money.
Only the homeless were known to sleep on pavements covering themselves with cardboard boxes.
That was the real Zimbabwean way of life.
Munopenga, You are crazy all of you. For now, we shall survive on command lies and ugly-culture.
Meanwhile, stay tuned for The Bona Bank (TBB), which we will unveil soon.
Dr Amai Stopit! PhD (Fake)