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After Mazowe Dam, I want Kariba, Tokwe Mukosi

My People,
I have always told you that this little country is mine for me to do as I please.

letter to my people BY DOCTOR STOP IT

It feels good as a former typist to wield so much power and this has seen close to a dozen farms being taken over by me and my family.

Forget the nonsense pronounced by Bob many years ago when he spoke about “one family one farm”.

How would that enable people to loot national resources?

As most of you will no doubt know, when a great era is about to come to an end, all sorts of crazy, strange and wild things start happening.

It’s called signs of the times.

And it should not come as a surprise when you receive information that I have “stolen” a big dam such as Mazowe.

We were flying to some other country with The Bobster when he asked me what I wanted for our wedding anniversary this year.

You will all remember that the other year he bought me a ring worth more than a million bucks.

Yeah that’s right, a million dollars of diamonds on the finger of The First Typist!

Anyway, back to the conversation I had with Bob when we were flying out to what was essentially a shopping trip to New York.

He asked me what I would like for our wedding anniversary and I rolled my eyes and proclaimed, “Mazowe Dam.”

Without blinking, he said I could have the dam.  The Bobster said I could kick out any useless peasants who may be living in the vicinity like our family has been evicting black families from any farms that we covert. But one dam  is not enough for me.

I am a big girl and I need to plan for my  future. I am also young.

Kkkkkkk. When I married The Bobster gossipers were all over the place, remarking how a certain elderly gentleman  had married his typist mistress young enough to be his granddaughter.

Munopenga! You are all crazy!

What I mean is that after Mazowe Dam, I take Kariba and Tokwe Mukosi, Mtshabezi and any other dams, especially those benefitting the nation and the underprivileged.

Fake PhDs

Looks like there is a very good story waiting to be written by some enterprising journalists who are busy having their higher educational assignments written for them.

From what I am briefed by my boys in glasses, it’s basically most of the who is who have assigned or paid some people to write assignments for them. A lot of chefs who see themselves as future leaders of this country are reportedly in that bracket.

Some of the people wielding higher education qualifications  are semi-literate and  some PhD holders can’t even  say, “Your Excellency”, at best they say, “Yowa Ekserendi”.
It is for this reason that we applaud Jonso for outing the culprits although we wonder why he took so long to say it.

I beg your pardon Augustine

Police Commissioner General Augustine Chihuri was throwing his toys out of the pram this week, ranting about how ungrateful the world is about some of the good work that the police do.

The story attracted a lot of responses on social media with many people saying it would be helpful if Cde Chocha could list one good item that the police do well so that they could receive some praises.

Others felt that instead of “mugging citizens” as they drive along the country’s roads, police needed to mount more beat patrols in order to deter crime in the different townships and suburbs.

But as the mother of the nation, I support the actions of the police who are doing well to curb indiscipline on our roads and collecting good money for that matter. Kwaaaaaaaaaa! Life is good!

Dead BC Science

For those who still watch Dead BC, I am sure you always look forward to their turgid Sunday main news bulletin.

Especially the excruciatingly painful science section whose name I can’t be bothered to remember.

What passes off as inventions in that bulletin, unbeknown to the comrades at Dead BC is what Ordinary Level science students produce on a daily basis.

Tried and Tested Leadership

As we start inching towards national elections, we need to remember to vote for tried and tested leadership. Like some bright sparks in the Cabinet committee on security who believed a cock and bull story from a Grade Two dropout that pure diesel could gush from a rock.

They were obviously deployed by Robert to Chinhoyi.

MaDams kuna Amai!
Umasalu wezwelonke!
Dr Amai Stopit! PhD (Fake)


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