I am in a state of shock. Am so shocked that I nearly threw my million dollar ring through one of our million dollar windows of our billion dollar mansion in anger.
letter to my people BY DOCTOR STOP IT
The source of my anger was one Victor Matemadanda.
He paraded himself wearing a T-shirt alleging that I am a failed mother and that my sons were unruly rogues.
The poor quality T-shirt went further to make a treasonous statement to the effect that if I could not control two boys, how could I be a step-mother of more than 14 million Zimbabweans.
Unfortunately, there is a bit of truth in some of those allegations.
Maybe, the allegations were based on that small matter of the boys having to be evacuated from Dubai after engaging in behaviour of an embarrassing nature, not in keeping with the conservative culture and religion of the host country.
Or could it be the untrue allegations of debauchery in South Africa in the company of young women?
Whatever the case, Munopenga! You are crazy! I hope we will not see a proliferation of those treasonous T-shirts. Unless of course if they are carrying the slogan — “Munhuwese kunaMoms”.
Internet cafés to boost industrialisation
Before the 2018 election manifesto is produced, I can already predict that the opening of internet cafés during ongoing interface rallies will grow our economy by 100%!
Of course other presidents in Africa are busy commissioning big factories which generate a lot of employment opportunities.
Here we do things differently.
We will open internet cafés at provincial, district and even cell level so that we create more jobs which will be manned by Green Bombers.
Get over defeat of Warriors
I smell a smell in the way our football is run. Anyway, there has always been a stench coming from some of the characters in our game.
We will not mention administrators and journalists who were barking instructions to players during matches while masquerading as coaches during the shameful Asiagate Scandal.
I suspect they are about to flex their corrupt muscles. In fact, many are back in the game of football.
Having said that, why do some people continue to refuse to accept that Zimbabwe lost to Namibia during the Chan (African Nations Championships) qualifiers?
Winning a development tournament such as Cosafa in South Africa which should mainly feature emerging players can hardly qualify us as a football powerhouse, can it?
Careful with that powder keg
I have always said it before and I will say it again. At least Bhobho has hinted at that as well.
I have warned that the irritation among people as a result of some corrupt police is very high as a result of the roadblocks being mounted.
Already, there have been unfortunate developments involving the injury or deaths of some police officers at roadblocks.
And when the soldiers beat up some police officers, authorities should have noted the levels of celebration among ordinary people.
My personal belief though was that when the soldiers gave the police details a shellacking in broad daylight, it was a response to a statement made by Bhobho, The Bobster that soldiers should not interfere in the politics of the nation.
Those who continued to interfere would be retired, warned Bhobho.
Make my day Ngwena and resign
I am sure most of you have been reading reports about how the Lacoste faction has been thrown into disarray by none other than myself!
Few of you believed that a pretty typist could pull it off.
Most of you thought I was just a trophy wife with no ambition.
After failing to get a British degree, I turned to our all weather friends who have been with us since the liberation struggle.
The Chinese of course, and I received a degree in Mandarin or whatever it is their language is called.
My tutors were very sympathetic and awarded me 100% for all my assignments.
Of course, nobody has heard me publicly speaking Chinese.
Don’t listen to unfounded reports that the degree was purchased online.
After getting the fake Chinese degree, I then simply instructed Bhobho to order one of the local universities to declare me a fake doctor complete with fake gowns.
Armed with a fake degree and doctorate, I was now ready to assume the leadership of the party and government.
When I went for Joice, you thought I was joking, but I kicked her out.
Ngwena is next and as I have always said, watch this space.
Reports that he tendered his resignation or is toying around with resignation would be music to our ears.
If he does that then myself, Jonso, Tyson, Mboko and Dread Petso would order some champagne!
From Dr Amai Stopit! Ph.D (Fake)
The First Typist