My People, After Jambanja pahotera I have been thinking deeply, as all holders of fake Ph.Ds do. Since my cat antics in South Africa in which I sought to crack a few skulls and break a few bones, my chances of leading you, my people, took a big knock.
letter to my people BY DOCTOR STOP IT
The leader of G40, Bhobho Gushaz, had been doing well to establish the Gushung-Ho Dynasty until I stepped in with all my sophistication and wisdom gathered from the typing pool and a fake degree.
Others will start talking nonsense about how marrying the right partner is really important.
The Jambanja pahotera fracas was what Ngwena and his group needed.
He decided to “fall ill” amid dark claims that he had eaten ice-cream from my dairy.
The media swallowed the story peddled by Ngwena’s people that the “poison” used in the alleged attempted assassination is called palladium.
Despite having a fake degree, I was able to establish that the substance is used in the medical field, including dentistry.
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For now, it is possible to speculate that he was poisoned by his own tooth filling.
The hapless information people are not helping matters by saying he was poisoned by stale food. Why would he be the only one who ate the stale portion? And is stale food served at top tables of chefs, leaving them exposed to food poisoning, stale food poisoning or poisoned food?
Let us revive the Rhodesia and Nyasaland Federation
The South African racist organisation claiming to represent that girl who was trying to seduce my innocent boys is going to create big problems.
I suspect they are being funded by Ngwena and his friends.
In a few years when I formally become your president, we will just have to forget our biggest trading partner, South Africa where I will always be having legal challenges. In fact, as a sovereign state, I don’t believe we need to be taking orders from South Africans.
Which is why I am proposing that we look north and improve business with Zambia and Malawi or anybody to our north, like some war-torn countries in central Africa. That is what we call sovereignty. Defending the gains and legacy of the liberation struggle.
With Bhobho having taken us out of the Commonwealth, I will take the legacy further by pulling out of Sadc and cutting relations with South Africa.
A real mother indeed
The passing away of Maud Muzenda, wife of former vice-president Simon Muzenda, was indeed a sad event as she was the epitome of what an African woman and mother is.
Unfortunately, it ended up resulting in comparisons between her and myself.
How for example, she had successfully raised and moulded children who turned out to be very solid citizens in society.
That is open to different interpretations.
Although they had part of their lives raised in privilege, rarely have you heard of the Muzenda children being linked to scandals.
Although they clearly benefitted from the patronage system of leadership, their mother was able to raise decent children. Their mother was hardly in the news except when she was seen next to her husband.
The raging debates went on to suggest that the late VP married well and had a partner who helped him raise decent children.
Of course, people tried to be naughty by casting my character in bad light and suggested beating up call girls or models found in the company of your children were some basic pointers of failed mothers.
Standing up at rallies and berating your husband’s juniors, including his deputy and his spokesman, was not exemplary behaviour to your children.
Others pointed at the circulating video featuring Dr Amai that gives advice on how to make a man believe he is the biological father of children sired out of wedlock as not exemplary given the ongoing debates about those unsaid topics.
The debate concluded with many agreeing that if not brought up correctly, children could turn out to be like my Boyz DzeSmoko.
Well-done show judges
I would like to thank the judges at this year’s show and in previous editions for their consistence and persistence in ensuring that adults are not embarrassed in front of children.
Our company was the winner in the livestock section and our dairy won first prize on value addition and beneficiation. How would we have handled the embarrassment given that we were the guests of honour this year.
Reminds me of a certain grain company which is in the habit of receiving our moisture-laden maize and still declaring it grade A.
Little wonder others cynically concluded on a social media joke : “So the trophies were handed over by the owner of Gushungo Dairy, to the owner of Gushungo Dairy. The owner of Gushungo Dairy was also the guest of honour.” Kwaaaaaa!
Munhuwese kunaMoms
Umasalu wezwelonke
Dr Amai Stopit! PhD (Fake)
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