HomeOpinion & AnalysisIt is the first family all the way!

It is the first family all the way!

My people,

First of all, I would like to extend my hearty congratulations to my daughter and her husband for doing some excellent work.

letter to my people BY DOCTOR STOP IT

My son-in-law, ooooh, that boy learns pretty fast. He did not disappoint and in the short time that he was given the job,  he has produced some remarkably disastrous outcomes at the national airline.

Can you imagine South Africa and Zimbabwe engaged in some act of tit-for-tat after the first son-in-law forgot to renew the operators’ licence or whatever that document is called.

As a result, thousands of travellers between Zimbabwe and South Africa were stranded and inconvenienced.

The two already struggling airlines had to pay thousands of dollars to accommodate inconvenienced travellers, while the ripple effects were felt beyond the African continent.

As an outcome, thanks to the first son-in-law, this was a public relations boob of the year.

But that is not an issue. That is exactly the way things should be done and congratulations to him.

I think The Horrid newspaper should produce a supplement in honour of that boy, while Cde Chipanga, Mandiitawefodya, Mboko, Tyson and Jonso can plan a solidarity march to honour how mukwasha successfully grounded the national airline.

Please ignore those malicious pictures and insinuations about how enthusiastic the boy looks whenever he welcomes me from foreign trips.

I suspect Joice and Moregirls are behind those malicious pictures.

Bona bans Zodwa Wabantu
Still on how the future can be rosy if you allow us to rule you forever; you must have all been excited when the first daughter together with Chigwedere and others made some very important decisions around women who dance without wearing any panties.

Very old and not so old people sat down and deliberated on whether South Africa socialite, Zodwa Wabantu should be allowed to dance in Zimbabwe with or without her knickers.

This is a whole country with no money, no jobs, no hope, a corrupt police and other problems and people deliberate on panties from South Africa?

After the meeting, the board members must have rewarded themselves with hefty allowances.

Who said Zodwa was bad for the economy? But more importantly, it showed that the first daughter is a wise person who will not allow women to dance without panties.

She also needs a solidarity march and a supplement in The Horrid.

I will not even waste time on the no talent Zimbabwean actress who waded into the Zodwa issue.

The strange thing is that according to some people, she is an immigrant working in South Africa.

Allegations are that when she “starred”  in a low-budget series back home, she did a lot of Zodwa things behind the set.

What if…

Is it possible for a censorship board or any culture  police to deliberate on a woman who boasts  at a rally about how to convince husbands that their illegitimate children would be theirs.

Can such a board make a ruling on whether it is  morally correct for the woman to lie to the unsuspecting old man by saying proof that he is the real father of the children is that they have identical ears!

It would be great to get a quick response. Quicker than they did when they banned Zodwa. By the way, a lot of lecherous old men are not amused by the decision to ban Zodwa.

I hope her full name is not Ntombizodwa as that would soil some people’s “reputations”.
 
Calling old men witches           

Allegations that Ngwena was poisoned using ice-cream from a certain struggling family dairy had created problems for Bhobho.

In 2015, I think it was, this is what he said about Joice Mujuru: “Recently she invited two Nigerian sangomas. We heard that they were specialists in the field of witchcraft.”

He went further to allege that Joice performed rituals while she was naked, while slitting the throats of chickens.

The ritual involved the use of tadpoles.

Fast forward to 2017 after his ice-cream was reportedly used to poison Ngwena. He said: “Some are even saying the president is a witch, how many did I kill?”

Really? Asked many people. Does the figure 20 000 mean anything to you?

Somebody call Jonso                                            

I have just been arguing with Bhobho. I told him that he needs to re-appoint Jonso at the information ministry.

I showed my power when I flexed my delicate muscles in front of Joji.

After my escapades in South Africa and the antics of Boyz DzeSmoko with “models” in their rooms, we need Jonso back.

The Horrid tried a supplement which failed to sell me as a good person.

They peddled stories about me urging young men to respect women.

I heard others laugh behind my back that maybe I and Boyz DzeSmoko should lead by example in that area.

There were stories of me donating chickens around the country.

The more they wrote about it, the more I felt like a Mboko.

Meanwhile, others say I should stop bringing suffering on orphaned and vulnerable people, especially in Mazowe.

They say this portrays me as a crude and cruel First Step Mother.

Munhuwese kuna First Step Mother!

Fist Mother Woyeee!

Extension Cord Woyee!

Umasalu wezwe lonke!

Dr Amai Stopit! PhD (Fake)

Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com

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