My People,Greetings from New York.
I write this weekly address while recuperating in some exclusive medical facility.
My arms, eyes, legs and my entire body is aching.
It is the kind of illness that none of you will ever experience because of your grinding poverty.
The illness that I am experiencing was a result of the massive shopping that I did while The Bobster slept through most deliberations at the United Nations.
The shopping was done everyday until we collapsed from exhaustion.
Bhobho, poor man. Even if he had wanted to skip this UN meeting, I would have told him in no uncertain terms that I would not accept such nonsense.
Where would we shop? Surely not in North Korea or other crazy places that he likes going to.
The most touching and moving moment was when I saw my sons graduate into being shopaholics like mummy.
They graduated with flying colours as they painted New York red, buying everything on the shelves and in the cupboards.
I was so humbled to see how, despite being a failed mother, I had succeeded in passing on the correct genes to my children.
The tears that flooded my eyes were indeed tears of joy.
Meanwhile, back home I am told it is suffer continue as Zimbabweans continue struggling to make ends meet.
You are struggling to pay rentals, to feed your families, to pay for electricity and just about anything.
The command economy in which generals would peg the Zimbabwe bond note equal to the US dollar is beginning to unravel.
But that is not my worry or problem.
I now appreciate the ideas by failed African leaders.
You wreak your own country to a point where even your own children and relatives do not want to stay or even shop there.
The solution is very simple, you send them to better run countries.
Back to your suffering, where prices of basic commodities have begun to sky rocket in the face of cash shortages.
That is really your problem.
If I am buying houses worth millions of dollars in South Africa while the Boyz DzeSmoko are importing expensive cars and blowing thousands on beer and “models”, it does not mean we should share the loot with you.
Some are even going as far as to make unfounded allegations that the models were in fact hired prostitutes, which we all know is the biggest lie under the sun.
But back to your suffering
I am sure all our supporters will see the machinations of the white people who have deliberately disturbed our economy in order to give the MDC sellouts an advantage.
Why have goods suddenly disappeared from shelves?
I suspect it is sabotage.
But don’t worry my people. The election results for next year’s elections are securely locked up in a briefcase in the bedroom.
Beware of social media and elections
My wives in the party have been warning me about frightening levels of activity on social media about you people urging each other to go and register to vote.
Now those are worrying developments because since when have you people ever encouraged each other to register to vote?
I know the young people are being misled by white people from Europe to use social media for non-violent participation in democratic elections bla..bla..bla…
Nonsense of course.
All they mean is register and don’t vote for the party.
Happily for us, the results for next year’s elections are all securely locked up in a briefcase in The Bobster’s bedroom.
Many have often wondered if the opposition is made up of people who are employed by the party so that they always remain the opposition.
It’s not me saying it but I am sure you have noticed that quite a number of these opposition jokers came from The Party.
It is, therefore, very encouraging when the opposition engages in daily squabbling instead of taking advantage of splits in The Party, ice-cream poisoning, cash shortages and suffering.
Maybe it’s because some of them are at work.
Bhora Musango returns
Even if you people loathe me, you will credit me and my Gay 40s for freeing you from the party.
The people planning the Bhora Musango strategy have completely overrun the party structures. Ngwena and Tsvangson are part of the grand strategy.
Meanwhile, they have started decampaigning the youth rallies saying they have become “festivals of hate”.
But Ngwena and company should be careful.
At the next festival of hate in Bulawayo, Ngwena should attend so that Bhobho can tell people that he was not a guerilla in the war. That he did not train in Egypt and China in the 60s.
Maybe the two of them can have a debate on who was behind the idea of Operation Gukurahundi and the respective roles played by either party.
If Sekeramayi is there, why not rope him in the debate as well?
Munhuwese kuna Amai!
Dr Amai Stopit! PhD (Fake)
l Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com