My People, How are you? I guess there is no need to ask as I am sure you are all wallowing in poverty and suffering big time.
No money for rent, groceries, school fees and the list goes on and on.
I am sure you don’t even have money for shopping like the First Family.
In case you had forgotten, the Boyz DzeSmoko were busy blowing thousands of dollars in South Africa on booze and escort girls while mum was buying upmarket houses in Sandton.
Mommy and her other son have also been busy buying expensive cars and going shopping in the USA.
The Bobster is to be occasionally seen giving away thousands of dollars in envelopes.
You may all cry loudly, making all sorts of allegations like where is all the money coming from? This is a sign the state coffers are being looted!
Of course, all your allegations are correct!
The last days of cowardly African dictatorships are usually accompanied by frenzied looting of state coffers.
This is usually for the purposes of fleeing to other countries when the leader dies or leaves office.
The other explanation for the extravagant and shameless spending and public flaunting of wealth could be explained by the fact that the money comes from profits made from the family dairy enterprise.
Unfortunately, the family dairy is a loss-making entity amid fears of loss of confidence following command lies from Ngwena’s friends that we make poisoned ice-cream.
Mega deals Kwese Kwese
Some people have been making unfounded allegations about how our government would rather encourage foreigners to invest in the country and ensure its citizens trade in small things like tuck shops and cooking food in the open spaces.
Proper business is for the leadership in The Party and government.
So, Zimbabweans like Strive with proper money will always be frustrated until they join the party or start sending presents to the Great African Dear Brother Comrade Revolutionary Bobster.
These presents could be in the form of say $100 000, like an American who is in court has claimed sending largesse and tribute so that they could corruptly mine the country’s diamonds and share the spoils.
Total fabrication of course. The Bobster does not have to go into partnerships with American convicts to access diamonds.
All it needs is a phone call.
White Europeans and Americans plus a few colonised Africans in Botswana and South Africa may label such actions as a sign of corruption, poor governance and lack of accountability.
Completely correct observations of course.
We have been promised mega deals from Japan (importing used cars for resale) while other mega deals have been signed with China, Belarus and Russia.
Dangote and his billions are maybe still on their way to Zimbabwe.
Many of you are probably still confused on why Strive had problems with getting a licence for his telecoms company and now Kwese.
The real answer is The Party is afraid if he declares his interest in politics then we are finished, so he needs to stay away from confusing the local grassroots.
His other problem is that of not sending gifts to the leadership. Also, he needs to change his company name. As far as we have always known, our slogan is Kwese Kwese seZanu.
Burying a real mother
Last week saw the burial of the last woman from a golden generation of real and truly African women.
National heroine Maria Musika was among those who were very solid and yet dignified.
Together with the late Sally Mugabe, Johanna Mafuyana Nkomo and Maudy Muzenda, those women were the epitome of what we call women, mothers, leaders and role models.
Never would you hear them publicly advising other women on how to cheat on their husbands or engaging in brawls in foreign hotels or publicly humiliating civil servants at rallies.
I guess that is why many people talk of “marrying correctly”.
Most of the children born to those heroines turned out to be real upright citizens.
Mixing good genes is always recommended.
As for me, well, The Bobster and I combined our genes and produced Boyz dzeSmoko.
All we have been getting is smoko moto from them.
The future of Zimbabwe
The future of this country is very bright.
It was well-exhibited at the recent burial at the national shrine.
My Gay 40 boys and girls were playing: “Zora butter” at a funeral.
Maybe that is what they do whenever they meet, but many Zimbabweans were left stunned by the antics.
And finally, Cde Kudzi Chipanga has warned people not to use the Bulawayo youth interface rally to settle personal scores.
Correct, that platform is for me and Bhobho to score cheap points like that there is no G40 but Lacoste exists.
That Bhobho, who at one time fled Rhodesia for the relative comfort of Ghana, invited Ngwena to join the liberation struggle in the 70s.
Kkkkk! And yet records show that poor Ngwena was receiving military training in Egypt in 1963!
But maybe Cde Chipanga knows something that we don’t know.
Watch the next youth rally live on the one and only Dead BC.
Dr Amai Stopit! PhD (Fake)
l Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com