My People, When The Party and government are failing to do anything correctly, which is quite often, Bhobho is usually wheeled out, literary to provide some comic relief.
Zimbabweans who have no hope and continue to survive under despair due to a failed leadership easily fall for the diversionary tactics.
When Bhobho was still in charge of The Party and government, he would use the tactic to maximum effect.
Remember the useless ministries where those who were not favourites such as Zvobgo and others would be made ministers without portfolio.
That essentially meant a minister with nothing to do.
Next was poor Chen Chimutengwende whose kwasa kwasa gyrations saw him being shunted off to ministry of interactive affairs, whatever that meant.
With only a driver and a secretary who happily had nothing to do, Chenhamo knew that he had a useless ministry.
Needless to say, he spent a lot of time interacting with himself.
Even his cabinet colleagues made a point of mocking him about his ministry.
With hindsight, that was the equivalent of the Happiness Ambassador role recently given to Chinotimba because he is always smiling.
I think the happy “smile” that they see is a result of missing teeth.
Next was Josiya Hungwe who was made Psychomotor, or is it Psychomoron ministry.
Patrick has been made minister of Whatsapp, Facebook and Twitter!
His first assignment will be to call a national convention of Whatsapp administrators.
Chris Mushohwe got the other big stick. He was made minister of scholarships, something he has always been doing for donkey years.
He is no different from a dean of students. That one knows a lot about me from many years ago, so I will continue to keep him sweet. He knows too much.
The G40 Cabinet reshuffle
By now it must have dawned on a few people that what we are doing to Ngwena is exactly what we did to Joice in 2014.
In all honesty, he had been outflanked by Joice and was just a lucky beneficiary of something he did not understand.
Last week, the cabinet reshuffle confirmed that Gushungo is the leader of G40.
It also became clear that the list was compiled by a G40 faction.
In 2014, Jabulani Sibanda spoke of a bedroom coup and said something to the effect that power should not be sexually transmitted.
Of course he was so right. Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!
A bedroom coup can always happen anywhere.
That is the power of women, no man can go against her demands.
My CIA-backed G40 gangsters used the most basic and simple trick.
Capture the woman, then set her to capture the target.
So back to the cabinet reshuffle which I conducted.
The first casualty was Ngwena who lost the justice portfolio to spy chief, Bonyongwe.
A master stroke because Bonyas will spy on Ngwena and by election time next year, he would have to look for a constituency, if he wants to come back into government.
Simply put, he has been retired!
I have removed the first senior security official and that means I get to appoint my own new director general for matsegu.
Elevating Bonyas from Manicaland and reducing Chinamasa from the same province to minister of Facebook was another master stroke.
In Matabeleland South, few remember how a certain Aaron Maboyi Ncube used to torment Kembo Mohadi in primary elections for one of the Beibridge constituencies.
In order to save Kembo, we had to deploy Ncube to Egypt as a diplomat.
He is back and Kembo, who has been reported to be warming up to Ngwena, better start preparing for more blood and thunder in primary elections.
I promoted all my boys, including relatives who until recently were facing some silly charges of “trying to remove the president”.
Tshinga Dube had to go because he was too principled.
A certain female minister had to go after she said some nasty things about me.
The “poison bearer” from Masvingo was also elevated and replaced his home boy who was getting too comfortable.
I have said before that by the time that I am done, there will be no party left.
Only the soldiers and war veterans appear to have an inkling of what I want to achieve.
A careful analysis of my cabinet will establish that Joice Mujuru and her Gamatox faction are back in strategic positions.
That means come primary elections, there will be Armageddon. Come elections there, will be bhora musango and with that will come a loss for The Party.
Worst case scenario would be another GNU.
Zuma, are you crazy?
A lot of African presidents and their wives were understandably shocked to receive news that Jacob Zuma had allowed a superior court to make an unpatriotic ruling to the effect that a whole president like him should be investigated for corruption.
What kind of message will that send to countries where $15 billion can disappear?
Can’t he give his judges farms, televisions, generators, laptops and other goodies to ensure they remain patriotic? We need an urgent Sadc summit to deliberate on this.
Vendors go and register to vote
In another master stroke, The Bobster ordered all vendors created by his failed leadership off the streets of Harare.
In other words, he ordered another Murambatsvina which the opposition has not noticed.
This means affected vendors can take the opportunity to go and register to vote.
Dr Amai Stopit! PhD (Fake)
l Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com