My People,Do I finally have everybody’s attention? When a former typist dared to dream, you thought it was not possible.
BY DOCTOR STOP IT
Some of you even called me a demented person.
Others like Dzikamai Mavhaire even equated me to Marujata, that unhinged village woman.
When I hounded Joice out of the party you all thought it was a passing phase.
When I trained my guns on Ngwena, in your collective foolishness you agreed that he was too big for me to bring down.
As they say, the rest is history.
After instructing the captive Bhobho to fire Ngwena from our Family Party in which most of you wrongly and foolishly assume you have a say, he ran like a rat.
You all saw the drama when your beloved Ngwena ran like an illegal border jumper to Mozambique before my alert boys and girls foiled that attempt.
Now The Party, the people, the country and many so-called leaders, including some with liberation credentials, are safely tucked into my handbag.
Mission accomplished. Morgan where are you? I have successfully destroyed your opponents and victory should not be difficult in the next election.
My own little country
When Margret Dongo said the party was full of Bhobho’s wives, most of you thought she was joking.
I decided to emulate her in Bulawayo when I said The Party was full of cowards.
Makwara, I told all those people who will soon be my wives. A whole harem of concubines I tell you.
Did you see all those people from different provinces falling over each other to sing my praises and demanding that I should lead them.
It is now very clear that Bhobho as the leader of G40 has engineered the fall of all my potential rivals, Joice and Emmerson.
This former secretary will be promoted and in no time, if our plans remain in place, this secretary will rule you for sure.
I will be the real First Secretary!
My Mboko was personally recruited by me and he will not be a problem. He has already confirmed that he has no ambition.
In case it has not sunk in. For the first time in history, we will have a country in which the president will be deputised by his wife.
Please ignore the social media jokes asking if it is legal for a president to sleep with his deputy. Of course, it will be.
The idea is that when we win elections next year, The Bobster — who is now greatly affected by old age and poor heath — will hand over power to me, then I take over.
We will swap roles with me moving from first lady to president while Bhobho becomes First Gentleman.
I love this country and its people. Very educated and disciplined.
Munhuwese kuna Amai! MuZezuru unconquerable!
When Mboko told you that no Karanga would rule this country, people thought he had lost his marbles.
He had not and the grief that befell Ngwena was there for all to see.
We will of course get nice and obedient boys and girls from Masvingo and Midlands who will represent people from that region well.
Others have been very loyal and are being rewarded.
Were we in Matabeleland?
There were fierce debates on why it was wrong for Bhobho and me to address the rally in Bulawayo in Shona when the area has mainly Ndebele-speaking people.
Well, I don’t care what anybody says or thinks. We own this country. And those people who booed me had been hired by my gay boys and girls. we immediately accused Ngwena of hiring them.
My ideal Zimbabwe
Last week was a huge step for the family in terms of state capture.
We had the airport named after the great Robert, the man who single-handedly liberated Zimbabwe like Rambo.
Of course, Morgan and his foolish supporters will say after liberating Zimbabwe, Bhobho single-handedly destroyed the country to a point where even his own children do not want to live in the same country.
Absolute nonsense of course.
Since 1980, it has come to our attention that Ngwena was moving around undoing all the developmental work that Bhobho was doing.
It has also come to our attention that even though Bhobho was the prime minister and minister of defence at some time, Ngwena and Sekeramayi implemented Gukurahundi without Bhobho’s knowledge.
His hands are clean.
But I digress.
According to social media, news on Dead BC will read as following:
“President Robert Gabriel Mugabe and vice-president Dr Amai Grace Mugabe arrived at the Robert Gabriel Mugabe International Airport early this morning. Their motorcade drove through Robert Gabriel Mugabe Street on their way to Robert Gabriel Mugabe university whose construction is nearing completion.
“Tomorrow on Robert Gabriel Mugabe Day, they will drive along Robert Gabriel Mugabe Highway as they visit their rural home in Zvimba.”
When a geriatric is in charge
It is often said that an organisation usually reflects the thinking and character of its leader.
It is therefore not surprising that when a country is run by a more than 90-year-old geriatric, it will celebrate all things beyond their prime.
Can someone explain why instead of inviting young and active footballers from Barcelona, we chose to invite “football geriatrics” beyond their prime.
And will the football-loving pastor stop meddling in football affairs.
Well-done Ephraim Chawanda for exposing some charlatans. Let’s wait and see the fiasco unfold.
The silver lining to that is people from Barcelona voted unanimously to secede from Spain.
Maybe the move was designed to send a message that some heroes from Barcelona have voted to split from Spain, just maybe.
Dream opposition coalition
What if Morgan teams up with Ngwena, Joice, Welshman and Dumiso?
Munhuwese kuna Amai!
Dr Amai Stop it! PhD (Fake)
l Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com