My People, As soon as we were officially toppled through a military coup, some of you celebrated wildly. You thought removing Bob would make money grow on trees.
You believed if I became a VP it would be creating a Mugabe dynasty.
You celebrated with soldiers and humiliated The Bobster.
I hope there are no dynasties being created by your newly-found heroes.
The small matter of Lizard vacating his constituency for his wife is something that can always be corrected.
Surely nobody can blame the other emerging power couple, Monica and Chris.
The Mrs will be governing in Manicaland, while the Master will be regularly dropping “jaw-breakers“ at press conferences as they chat the way forward with the president. Kutonga kwaro gamba
After making all efforts to embarrass The Bobster by doing all the right things after his inauguration, the lizard reversed all the gains by making a cabinet reshuffle instead of appointing a new cabinet.
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Some of the good things which he did, which in my opinion amounted to playing to the gallery, included reducing the budget and number of days and of the delegates attending the Zanu PF congress.
Or is it a way of managing disgruntlement already coming from the provinces?
Due to some misplaced confidence, the Zimbabwean bond note actually firmed against the US dollar.
There was more grandstanding when he refused to use the Zim 1 limousine, alleging it was a fuel guzzler.
The chap is just plain superstitious or trying to be like that Tanzanian called Magufuli, who has tried some very unAfrican and unsustainable stunts of servant leadership.
That is only for white people and not for real African leaders.
Look at how all of you were suffering like crazy while Bhobho, myself and our wayward children were living it up.
On some positives, he did not attend Uhuru Kenyatta’s inauguration, citing budgetary constraints.
More grandstanding I think, the real issue was superstition and fear of using the only remaining plane in the country, which was like the personal property of Bhobho.
There were a host of other positives, including dropping charges against Mawarire. Of course, nobody should ask questions when charges against some now recently well-connected people are dropped within the next few days.
The momentum was building up to a point where even the former coloniser, Britain quickly sent an envoy.
China, accused by many of looting our resources also dispatched a “delegate” to meet with Lizard.
Then he lost it all on the Cabinet announcement, which was announced in the middle of the night, in the same way the not-a-coup was announced.
Only bad things are done in the witching hours.
The other thing is that the Cabinet is so glaringly Lacoste, except for a fat boy and one or two people.
Cde Lizard, I hope you listened when the Zimbabwe Congress of Trade Unions pleaded that the Cabinet needed to be free of “known criminals and thugs”.
I really hope you were listening because one province is already up in arms against your appointee.
How do I know? The G40 structures are still intact.
Gunners in suits
When people heeded calls to demonstrate against The Bobster, that did not translate to making a request that they wanted to have soldiers presiding over civilian affairs.
Just because some young people took “selfies” with soldiers and military hardware such as tanks was no request to invite soldiers into Cabinet.
But I am glad you are following the advice of your father and mentor, The Great Bobster who warned earlier this year that the interference of the military in civilian politics amounted to a coup and that they would be retired and given government jobs so that “they don’t languish”.
Since then, Bonyongwe has gone, Shiri now in Cabinet together with Sibusisiwe Moyo.
Interesting times we live in.
Am really beginning to wonder what kind of advisers and strategists surround Lizard.
After winning the Zanu PF elections in 2004 for vice-president, he was muscled out by Bob and General Mujuru.
In 2014, Joice had outflanked him and it only required me and a few bottles of viceroy to kick Joice out for his benefit.
This time, he had fled into exile after Bhobho went for him and was only saved by the military.
It’s not too late, but find a few graduates from universities who will give you undiluted advice and will not care if it makes you happy or not.
Interesting names
I saw some very interesting names in the new Cabinet with Ziyambi Ziyambi and Kazembe Kazembe outstanding among the lot. Why not go all the way and include journalist Ephraim Efrem and footballer Murape Murape in the line up?
Before the cock crows
Before the cock has even crowed once, some people appear to be abandoning me, maybe except the bearer of Shuvai’s poison. Listen to Annastanzia, Hlongwane, Letina, Mandiitawefodya and others denying me.
Even Phidza, my funder, has forsaken me. He did so via a statement he made praising the soldiers.
The statement I am told was written by one brotherman at The Horrid.
Of course, the slight break which happened after discoveries of lack of patriotism and working for Americans were not mentioned out of good sportsmanship.
Munhuwese kuna Amai!
Umasalu wezwelonke!
Unconquearable!
Dr Amai Stop it! (Miracle PhD)
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