The police, fired then reinstated?

By The Standard | Jan. 21, 2018

My People, I am sure all of you are fast realising that Mugabe was a much more efficient ruler than Lizard Ngwena and that you have already started missing him.

By DOCTOR STOP IT

I am not so sure if Kembo and his colleague, his Eksarendi Doctor Shenanigans have any clue about statecraft, which would only add to Lizard Ngwena’s woes.

Kutonga kwaro, despite having a law degree, made a false start when in his excitement, he named all his friends as Cabinet ministers before some smart alec pointed out that there was a limit on the number of none MPs which he could appoint as ministers.

This last week, as the brazen purge of suspected G40 members continued, the levels of incompetence of the Lizard Ngwena were displayed and laid bare for all to see.

The first announcement which was generally met with celebration and contentment said 30 senior police officers, including Mugabe’s relative, Matibhiri, had been retired from the police force.

A few hours later, probably after intensive lobbying, threats, visits to sangomas and all manner of prophets and prophetesses, we were told that it was actually only 11 senior police officers.

Really? Come on Comrade Acting Commissioner General Godwin Matanga. That was your signature on the letters retiring those senior officers, was it not?

Keep Reading

Did you retire some special projects or had you not consulted His Eksarendi about the purges.

Of course allegations are to the effect that those who were finally sacrificed were those who had actually stood up to corruption and bullying.

Other victims include younger officers who refused to vacate farms which had been targeted by the top brass.

My people, the circus is in town and you will enjoy some of the antics.

Already, husbands and wives have started appointing each other to very senior positions in government.

I am far away in Singapore and I still need to clarify a certain rumour about who will lead our very important electoral management structures. Cars for chiefs

At the recent Zanu PF congress, Chris Mutsvangwa was very clear in his statement that very soon, war veterans, chiefs and soldiers would be deployed to campaign for the ruling party.

Unconfirmed reports from Nkayi, Zhombe and other parts of the country are alleging some of the soldiers are already on the ground as Lizard continues talking about free and fair elections.

I am sure Zimbabweans this week witnessed the chiefs receiving their all-terrain vehicles.

These will presumably be used during the upcoming campaigns and as the leader of the chiefs said at the Zanu PF congress, they would be campaigning for their party.

Maybe reports by the MDC are true, that some of these chiefs end up behaving like Zanu PF commissars, expelling opposition supporters from their communities, refusing to provide affidavits for known opposition activists and denying them food relief.

Unconfirmed reports say several of these vehicles have already crashed while being driven from where they were collected.

Those that are still intact will be driven in communities where the roads are in a poor state and where there are no ambulances or clinics while children attend lessons while sitting on the floor.

Lizard Ngwena achievements so far

The social media was this week awash with some of the achievements that have been attained by the Lizard and his administration of soldiers.

The first and major achievement was to open Facebook and Twitter accounts, although a majority of functional countries are busy opening factories.

The other major achievement was to handover expensive vehicles to traditional (others say unproductive) chiefs while rural children have no access to learning facilities.

At this rate I am sure Lizard could be nominated for a Nobel Prize as another major achievement has been to drive to a church while using a motorcade and finally, Mrs Lizard has just discovered something that all Zimbabweans have always known — that our public hospitals don’t work.

Which is why when others start vomiting or having diarrhoea, they get on a plane to seek treatment in South Africa. Preparing for life in exile

You will all have read the story about how one of my sons moved three very expensive cars to South Africa.

Of course I need to protect myself given the selective application of the law.

A few weeks ago I refused to be searched at the Robert Mugabe airport by little nobodies who wanted to know how much money I had in my bag.

I even informed one of the former African presidents about the harassment that we have been experiencing.

But we are already preparing for life in exile, you never know what Lizard may do.

That decision to go out of the country may partly have influenced the decision to drastically reduce the number of our dairy herd.