HomeOpinion & AnalysisA nation of rallies, not production

A nation of rallies, not production

My People,
Greetings from Singapore.

I have always said that I am aware that all of you love The Great Gushungo.

letter to my people BY DOCTOR STOP IT

Among those who are desperate to get Gushungo’s blessings are people like the cowardly coup plotters.

Cowards because they had to use soldiers and tanks to remove a 94-year-old man from power.

We all know that Lizard Ngwena had scurried across the border with Mozambique as he could not stand the political heat, most of it coming from me.

You should have seen the way Lizard Ngwena celebrated receiving a letter from Gushungo explaining why he could not attend his inauguration.

The letter was brought by Bona, who was dressed in a red jacket in sympathy with the family’s now preferred political party.

Bona’s husband did not disappoint as he was wearing a crimson-red neck tie.

For those with short memories, this is what Gushungo said a day before elections held on July 30: “I cannot vote for those who have tormented me.”

But because he realises that the coup plotters are desperate for him to say nice things about them, we felt that we would lose nothing if we said a few nice words.

There is also the possibility that Gushungo does not know anything about that letter and that it could have been written by myself and the G40.

With the war veterans making all sorts of unhelpful noises amid threats to family investments such as sponsored invasions of farms, I felt we would lose nothing by sending a letter of congratulations.

Since then, the coup plotters have been as happy as a puppy with nine tails.

The best part of the inauguration, which one of the vice-presidents calls “naguresheni”, was the loud cheers and applause reserved for Gushungo when his name was mentioned.

Going nowhere — slowly

The military junta clearly has no vision on how to take the country forward.

Beyond wearing garish scarves and an uncreative “dance” routine, we are clearly at a standstill.

Going nowhere, slowly.

That is why it was shocking to hear Ngwena announcing that he would be holding countrywide “thank you” rallies to thank the people for coming out in their millions to vote for him.

Nonsense!

People should be producing on farms and what is left of the manufacturing sector.

Zimbabweans should not be in election mode all the time.

We do not expect the president of the country to be addressing political rallies across the country every day.

He should be working to improve the lives of Zimbabweans.

When a president goes out to address political rallies, business comes to a standstill as the entire cabinet, vice-presidents and senior government officials have to follow the leadership.

Essentially, Lizard is preparing to do what Gushungo and myself were doing during the last days — holding useless meet-the- people rallies, interface rallies, solidarity rallies and million-men and women marches.

In the end, there was no production on the farms and in factories as attending rallies became the only game in town.

Is the plan motivated by the fact that young Chamisa is planning a similar countrywide tour which is already facing obstacles from the police?

Why I am unwell

Many of you will remember how Lizard Ngwena shamelessly read out a private and confidential letter sent to him in front of thousands of people and millions who followed proceedings on radio and television.

He revealed that I was feeling unwell and was receiving medical attention in Singapore.

There was a lot of speculation as to what medical issues I was battling with.

Many will remember how I beat up some floozy in South Africa who had the audacity to hang out with my very decent boys dzesmoko, the Mugabe boys.

Needless to say I got into a spot of bother following the incident resulting in a solidarity march for me by members of the party.

So my boy Robert Junior must have thought I did not like them to hang out with foreign “models” in South Africa.

By now most of you will have seen pictures of Junior hanging out with raunchy dancer Bev Sibanda.

Incidentally, she is reported to be running a school for sex or something to that effect.
I will not say if that is the reason why I am ill.

There are no sanctions on Zimbabwe

Most of you will have noticed that the excuse that there are sanctions on Zimbabwe is used when the government fails to deliver.

The party can raise $200 million for campaigns, order foreign- made regalia and decorated vehicles.

It will donate vehicles to chiefs and war veterans, but when it comes to improving roads and supplying ambulances and medication to hospitals, they will all scream — SANCTIONS!

Gushungo woyee!

Chamisa woyee!

Dr Amai Stopit! PhD (Fake)

Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com

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