HomeOpinion & AnalysisWe are a nation of jokers

We are a nation of jokers

letter to my people BY DOCTOR STOP IT

My People,
I am sure most of you are still reeling from the after effects of the voodoo economics that we are always being subjected to by the Zipra and Zanla military junta.

For some strange reason, their bush economics appears to be working.

You have to give it to those guerillas who are in charge of the levers of power that their gun-barrel economics appears to have stabilised things — for now.

As one cynic observed: “You banish the Zim dollar for multi-currency in order to stabilise the economy.

“How then do you abandon the same multi-currency to stabilise the very same economy?”

We hope and pray their interventions bring some relief to Zimbabweans who are suffering from poor governance-related matters.

Comedy continues in Egypt

The Warriors may be putting up a shambolic display in Egypt at the Afcon tournament but as I observed last week, they are the only Zimbabweans who are not willing to have their names and reputations dragged through the mud.

In fact, they are the only Zimbabweans who will not take any nonsense from any leaders be they in government or some of those small-time criminals who wormed their way into football administration.

It will be remembered that they had a similar standoff at the last Afcon finals.

Anyway, news filtering through from Egypt is that the Warriors have indicated that they will not fulfil their remaining fixture against the DRC if they are not paid their outstanding allowances.

A fair request if you ask me.

A well-meaning Nyasha Mushekwi is reportedly working hard to pay the players’ outstanding allowances.

We sincerely hope he is not looking forward to having the money being reimbursed.

Does anybody remember the late Adam Ndlovu also coming to the rescue of the Warriors after the football association failed to pay allowances and other issues while on assignment in the Congo? Looks like our sport, together with our politics, are cursed.

When adults lie

In African societies, we never disrespect our adults.

There are so many things that we do to show that we revere them. One of those is to refer to one adult in plural form.

Another is to firmly believe that adults do not lie.

If an adult ever lied, we would always say they made a mistake.

But now, with all these born- frees, things have certainly changed.

But what happens if an adult tells fibs?

Telling a big lie like that Zimbabwe has paid US$10 million to Eskom to settle debts accumulated over failure to pay for electricity.

Then the same Eskom issues a statement saying they have not received anything from those brothers  and sisters north of Limpopo River who are apparently selling the same dummy to their footballers who are holed up in Egypt.

That is when we say Comrade Monica and Comrade Mthuli “made a mistake”.

Our First sons-in-law Chikore and Mlotshwa

First there was Comrade Simba Chikore, son-in-law of the great Robert Gabriel Mugabe. He came and was made the senior employee at Air Zimbabwe.

He finished off the airline and began starting a new airline, Zimbabwe Airways, which turned out to be one big misadventure.

Together with his wife Bona, they were expected by many to have made Gushungo understand that he could enjoy life in retirement and not holding shouting contests with younger and much fitter politicians with links to the military.

They did not.

The son-in-law had already been linked with a constituency in his home area as he sought to make hay while papa-in-law ruled. It did not come to pass.
Gerald Mlotshwa has been given the role to head the Sports and Recreation Commission.

The less charitable say he has virtually replaced Kirsty Coventry as minister of sport.

He has already fired the comrades running Zimbabwe Cricket.

More drama could be on the way as Cde Mlotshwa flexes his muscles borrowed from papa-in- law.

So far we have not yet been told if he is also eying a parliamentary seat so that he can join father- in-law and brother-in-law and other relatives in politics.

Catch and Release policy

ED Lacoste should just spare us his rantings about how he wants to crack down on corruption in the country.

We were shocked to hear that a person claiming to be his son went and released a foreign currency dealer who is the son of a cabinet minister and a famous advisor who uses very long, but useless words in conversation.

As a way of respecting Zimbabweans and allowing them to enjoy the little dignity that they have, Lacoste should stop talking about his crackdown on corruption.

He should just tell us that he will continue harassing and abusing suspected G40 members while allowing his cronies to milk the country.

Lewis Matutu and his list

It was interesting going through Cde Matutu’s shallow list of corrupt people. Shallow, because he released a list of mainly known corrupt people. We want to know why the real corrupt people were not on his list.

Could it be because somebody wrote the list for him?

Are we now seeing some people being targeted in the same way that Joice was hounded out of the party?

Now that the war vets have joined in the fray, we expect the women’s league to join in. Then war collaborators, restrictees and detainees.

Then provinces will also throw their weight behind the comedy before somebody suggests a million-man march in solidarity with Lacoste’s unyielding stance against corruption.

A few G40 people may be arrested around that time to strengthen the smoke-and-mirrors charade before the issue dies down.

Gushungo Chete! Chete!

Dr Amai Stop it! PhD (Fake)

Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com

Recent Posts

Stories you will enjoy

Recommended reading