inspiration:with Cynthia Chirinda
The month of October announces the entry into the final quarter of the year that is far spent. Needless to say, as the end approaches, it is very easy to become nervous about how much may still need to be accomplished and with whom to tag along with to the finish line. Finishing strong often calls for a healthy stamina to keep forging ahead against all odds. It also calls for an inner resolve, together with a quality network of relationships around you that can motivate you, partner with you and strengthen you to stay focused on your goals. What do you do when you look back into the year and find that those that you started the New Year with are no longer running alongside with you? Do you go back to pick up where things left off and continue the race with them? How do you separate yourself from the big team in order to enrol into the winning team? How do you shake off those connections that drain you and slow you down from achieving your goals?
Saying goodbye is a gift
When I was growing up, one of my favourite quotes was the saying, “we meet to part and we part to meet”. In my small little world then, I was very fascinated, bemused and sometimes angered by the dynamics that surrounded departures of people in my life. There were people I was so happy to see going because I did not enjoy their company and they would not allow me to be the child that I was then. Their demands on my life were too heavy.
Then there were those that just slipped away without saying goodbye. I would often wonder if I had done anything to offend them such that they left unceremoniously without the common courtesy of saying, goodbye.
Then there were those individuals I had developed a bond with, people that I trusted and felt secure in their presence. When such people left I felt anger welling within me because I had expected them to become a part of my life forever. As I now look back to reflect in retrospect, I realise that all these human connections that faded away served specific purposes for specific times and seasons in my life. I did not have the power to make them stay if their divine purposes in my life had been accomplished. It was at that moment that I realised the gift in saying goodbye. A gift that allows you to release and let go of old dimensions that interacted with the older version of yourself. A gift that allows you to make space and accommodate new connections that can open up to you fresh nourishing opportunities of learning, growing and becoming a better version of yourself.
How do you part ways?
Because we are socialised to remain bonded as a community of people, it can become very difficult to let go of connections and relationships that we established along the path and journey of life. Sometimes the parting leaves a bitter taste in the mouth and other times the memories that remain will be savoured and cherished for a life time. Old photographs, videos, cards and letters become the strong visual points of contact that keep us connected to those that we parted ways with when we still longed for their company in our lives. For the embittered experiences, very often we do everything possible to delete, erase and destroy anything that may bring memories of the past relationships and associations that brought us frustration, heartache and pain. Is there a proper way to part ways? What is the etiquette that should be observed when you say goodbye? Should you shut the door completely and lose the keys or should you use diplomacy that helps you to gently ease of out the connection?
As with grief and loss, sometimes there comes trauma and darkness that shrouds your life whilst you contend with the departure of a close beloved connection.
How do you find closure to a relationship, partnership and connection that you had thought you would also be knitted with until eternity? Is it possible to actually walk away, wave goodbye and forget that you were ever connected? Finding closure can be very challenging when we fail to deal with the reality of an ending to a journey. The journey from January to date has been characterised by so many pick-ups and drop-offs in our lives. Some of these were purely transactional whilst others were deeply transformational. Through the associations we gained so much stature, substance and fresh perspectives on life. It is important to realise that the seasons of life are designed with windows that should always stay open in order for us to grow. When we close these windows, we inadvertently trap ourselves and the destinies of others whilst we deprive ourselves of a breath of fresh air.
Take time to consider what and who you would like to carry over into the final quarter of the year. Some relationships are deadwood that will burden you, your enterprise and family — haunting you for a life time. There are some relationships that are not designed for the altitudes that God prepared for you from the beginning of time. You need to embrace the gift of goodbyes. Release and let go of the old dimensions. Step out of the old and allow yourself to step into the new.
l Cynthia Chirinda is an organisational and personal development consultant, life coach, author and strategist. Her two new additions to the Connection Factor Collection — The Connection Factor for Leaders and The Connection Factor for Women — speak to matters that position organisational leaders and women respectively, to achieve greater levels of success through their strategic connections. Looking at improving your career, personal effectiveness, communication skills, relationships, focus, faith and happiness? Wholeness Incorporated Coaching offers you strategies you can implement today to review your progress and achieve your goals. E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org LinkedIn: Cynthia Chirinda. Mobile: 263 717 013 206. Website: www.cynthiac.net.in