inspiration:with Cynthia Chirinda
World over, the month of February is famed as the month of love. It is very often characterised by amorous gestures on every platform possible as huge profits are posted in commercial activities that celebrate expressions of love in various styles and grandeur. Love is a supreme emotion which affects everything we feel, think, do and become. We cannot ignore the power it has over our lives. Each love — whether familial, platonic or romantic, represents a distinct part of who we are as people. We do different things with each, enjoy different parts of their personalities, and feel fulfilled in different ways. Fulfilling relationships are reflective of invested time and commitment. This cannot be easily achieved when our goals do not accommodate relational thinking.
The complexity of matters if the heart Matters of the heart can be complex and their effect on the functionality of other strategic areas of our lives should never be undermined. When healthy, fulfilling relationships are not cultivated this can result in the explosion of deep-seated frustrations in sensitive spaces such as the workplace or in critical positions of leadership. These explosions are the manifestation of unmet needs which are possibly shelved away in compensatory pursuit of career and material success. Every relationship has its place. For example, we cannot consider our platonic best friends as merely placeholders, keeping us entertained and moderately fulfilled until a “real” love can come around and teach us something new and better. It is important to value every level and interface of relationship for what it is and the need it fulfils in our lives.
Relational needs for the multidimensional being We are all bio-psychosocial spiritual beings as mankind. True health in mankind is more than the absence of disease since wellness involves health in all dimensions of life. Considering that the dimensions of life are all interrelated it becomes inevitable that decisions in one dimension can positively or negatively influence the other areas. From a societal approach, the top 10 relational needs include acceptance, affection, appreciation, approval, attention, comfort, encouragement, respect, security and support. Wholesome living is a product of pursuing wholeness in every area of our lives. This includes giving thought to how our actions and words may affect the vitality of those we interact and relate with. Wholeness is an expression of completeness, entirety, totality, unity, fullness and comprehensiveness.
The power of social connections Social connection improves health, well-being and longevity. We all know the basics of health 101: eat your veggies, go to the gym and get proper rest. But how many of us know that social connection is as important? Social connection improves physical health and psychological well-being. One telling study showed that lack of social connection is a greater detriment to health than obesity, smoking and high blood pressure. On the flip side, strong social connection leads to a 50% increased chance of longevity. Social connection strengthens our immune system. Research has shown that the genes impacted by social connection, helps us recover from disease faster, and may even lengthen our life. People who feel more connected to others have lower rates of anxiety and depression. Moreover, studies show they also have higher self-esteem, are more empathic to others, more trusting and cooperative and, as a consequence, others are more open to trusting and cooperating with them. Social connectedness, therefore, generates a positive feedback loop of social, emotional and physical well-being.
Unfortunately, the opposite is also true for those who lack social connectedness. Low social connection has been generally associated with declines in physical and psychological health as well as a higher propensity to antisocial behaviour that leads to further isolation.
Despite its clear importance for health and survival, sociological research suggests that social connectedness is waning at an alarming rate. This decline in social connectedness may explain reported increases in loneliness, isolation, and alienation and may be why studies are finding that loneliness represents one of the leading reasons people seek psychological counselling. Those who are not socially connected are more vulnerable to anxiety, depression, antisocial behaviour, and even suicidal behaviours which tend to further increase their isolation.
The importance of emotional connections We all want to be included, have a sense of control over our lives, be liked or at the very least, accepted. At the most basic level, emotional connection forms the basis for how we give and receive the emotional support we all need. Failure to read and respond accordingly to other people’s emotional cues can, over time, derail almost any relationship. This is especially true for intimate relationships with lovers, children, and family members as well as the close relationships often required in the modern work place.
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Relational thinking is sustainable thinking In life we may not always be able to control the variables but we are responsible for the perspectives we choose to adopt as we interact with the world and everything around us. On various levels the world experiences so many struggles that arise from a self-lens. The self-lens causes individualistic thinking which is responsible for a limited scope of problem solving, lack of consideration of the broader society, incomprehensive solutions and the dissolution of families, institutions and societies. Relational thinking is an approach for transforming societies, organisations and economic productivity. Learning to think relationally is the first step towards building a more relational world. While relationships are important in the lives of individuals they are also key in organisations on a strategic, cultural, operational and personal level. The tragedy of our time has been the tendency to look at relationships with a “what-do-I-get-out-of-this?” perspective. We can make a choice today and determine to think relationally and give of ourselves what we expect to benefit out of any meaningful relationship by changing our perspective. The cumulative effect of adopting relational thinking results in the attainment of stronger families, more effective organisations, increased social cohesion in communities, improved economic productivity and greater personal and national wellbeing. In the words of the author John Powell, “to live fully, we must learn to use things and love people, and not love things and use people.”
l Cynthia Chirinda is an organisational and personal development consultant, life coach, author, and strategist. Her newest book, You are Not Damaged Goods:
Transitioning from Tragedies to Triumph, speaks to matters that position individuals to do great exploits beyond their worst experiences. Looking at improving your career, personal effectiveness, communication skills, relationships, focus, faith and happiness? Wholeness Incorporated Coaching offers you strategies you can implement today to review your progress and achieve your goals.
E-mail: [email protected] LinkedIn: Cynthia Chirinda. Mobile: +263 717 013 206. Website: www.cynthiac.net.in
