inspiration:with Cynthia Chirinda
After almost giving up on getting pregnant, Shelly Schupbach and her husband, Todd, were blessed with a lovely baby boy, Nash. Their lives were filled with the joy of baby firsts. Then on June 19, 2014, Shelly dropped off her precious five-month-old son at the babysitter’s while she went to work. That was the last time she saw him alive. Todd and Shelly received phone calls at work telling them that Nash had stopped breathing in his sleep. At the hospital, the nurses gave CPR until Shelly was willing to let go. “As a mother, you just want to hold him, and rock him, and tell him it’s going to be okay,” said Shelly. “It was the hardest day of my life.”
Later, the death certificate delivered another crushing blow. The cause of death was positional asphyxia. As Shelly wrote on her blog: “My worst nightmare confirmed. He suffered. It was preventable. I dropped him off at the place that would take his life. I smiled at him, and he smiled back, and I walked away not knowing that decision would change my life forever.”
Is there life after the curve ball?
Whenever I conduct any personal development, leadership or goal setting seminar, I always dedicate an entire session to focus on dealing with life’s curve balls. Initially the participants are hesitant to share their encounters because they feel that their experiences are only unique to them and that perhaps they will be perceived as being weak because of the “all together” look that they wear every day. Whenever one individual eventually braves to stand up and share their experiences and how they have been coping, the mood completely changes. Sometimes it is painful bitter experiences of loss, unexpected news, rebellious children, chronic health issues or fatalities in their family or tragedies from accidents. Immediately afterwards, a deafening silence fills the room and then an applause from one corner of the room reverberates across the room as people give the participant a standing ovation for their courage to open up and share.
Thereafter other participants also feel compelled to share about their crushing curve ball moments in life. Depending on the dynamics of the group, there are times when no one is willing to share about their life’s curve balls until I share my own experiences. From those experiences I have learnt that most people strangely assume that individuals who specialise in people development are immune to life’s challenges and have a supernatural proactive response to life’s events before they occur. This is not quite possible because curve balls are exactly that – they appear from the least unexpected angles and can completely disfigure, discomfit, shatter and completely change the trajectory of anyone’s life.
How to deal with curve balls
A curve ball is an unexpected interruption in the normal routine of life. Life’s curve ball’s come from a variety of sources. We need to expect the curve balls and the interruptions in our lives with the understanding that changes will happen. Even if you’re a creature of habit that thrives on routine, there will be times when routine goes out the window and reality takes on a whole new shape. Some changes will be challenging. Very challenging. These times can be trying, but they can also be rewarding. You might discover a hidden talent you didn’t know you had. Or you might just impress yourself with how much you’re really able to handle when it’s thrown at you. These are all awesome self-discoveries waiting to happen!
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When a change is looked at as a fresh opportunity and a chance to learn something new, it’s no longer quite as scary. Even if you had no intention of ever pursuing this new direction, embracing rather than resisting is always the method of least resistance. You should always keep an open mind because what initially sounds like a complete disaster might end up being the best thing that ever happened to you. Without an open mind you could miss the opportunity.
Maintaining a sense of humour during difficult times also helps put ourselves and others at ease, and that right there is half the battle won. In times of stress and struggle your own personal care might be the last thing on your priority list, but it shouldn’t be.
While you may feel like curling up in a ball and staying inside forever, getting out there because embracing your new reality will actually feel a lot better.
Your life is an adventure worth pursuing, so don’t let setbacks, even major ones, derail you completely. Take the time to acknowledge and embrace the change and then get back to take on life again.
In every situation you are in, there are always factors that you can control and factors that you can’t control. Here are some ways that can help you to recover from tragedy:
lAvoid personalisation, pervasiveness and permanence: It’s not all your fault, it won’t affect every area of your life, allow yourself to receive counselling and inner healing ministry in order to deal with the pain.
lAsk “How much worse could it have been?” It can always be worse. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy calls it “decatastrophising.” That’s a fancy word for “realising it’s not the end of the world.” It’s not. Be grateful.
lGet support: Talk to someone, preferably someone who has dealt with a similar problem.
lWrite about it: Thinking about it makes it worse. Writing about it makes it better.
lCynthia Chirinda is an organisational and personal development consultant, life coach, author and strategist. Looking at improving your career, personal effectiveness, communication skills, relationships, focus, faith and happiness? Wholeness Incorporated Coaching offers you strategies you can implement today to review your progress and achieve your goals. E-mail: [email protected]. LinkedIn: Cynthia Chirinda. Mobile: +263 717 013 206. Website: www.cynthiac.net.
